The Dreaded Moment

by Heligirl on February 14, 2010

in Embarenting,Parenting Tidbits

Washing out the bad words.

Is this in our future?

Well, it finally happened. Since I first saw those two lines on that first pregnancy test I knew I needed to start paying attention to what I said as it would take some discipline to start working a few choice words out of my vocabulary. I’d gotten pretty good, but there were times when I slipped up, like after a long day of nothing going right, low blood sugar due to not eating much, and cranky kids, to say the least. At those times an expletive would sneak out and I’d invariably turn to look into those eyes that were, by Murphy’s Law, always trained on me.

However, the other day I was rushing to pull together Mr. Man’s dinner before he broke out into full upset and I accidentally bumped a glass of milk, knocking it to the ground and spilling it everywhere. Of course, Sweetness was under foot, trying to help me, and fully witnessed my frustrated “damn it!” Then, with the utmost glee and perfect pronunciation, she began to repeat it, over and over. It was enough to make me want to say it again. But what was the need with her saying it enough for us both?

I can’t get the little creature to repeat “I love you” to save my soul, even though I say that to her hundreds of times a day. But she hears this ONCE and it’s perfect pronunciation and repetition out of the gate. Luckily, my youngest dog is Daggett (sounds close, right?). I started saying his name angrily over and over as he was right there trying to lick up the milk and getting underfoot too. She wasn’t convinced. She had herself a new word and she was proud of it. I began envisioning the discussion I was going to have with her daycare provider the day she pulled out that little nugget of vocabulary with the other kids.

But time passed and we didn’t hear the word again. I began to think I got my ‘get out of jail free’ card. Perhaps she forgot it.

NOT A CHANCE. This afternoon we were all eating lunch together at the table and she was messing around at the end of her meal, pushing her plate around and running her spoon around her place mat. Then she dropped her spoon on the floor. She looked down, paused, and said in perfect clarity, “damn it.”

Hubby spit water out his nose, and I bit my lip and covered my face. React and they’ll repeat. I kicked Hubby and he just presumed to cough. I was both horrified and racked with a terrible case of the giggles. She didn’t say it again because we both started calling “Daggett,” who of course was already there because food had hit the floor, or so he thought. (Luckily you don’t pay for your dog to have therapy. This poor pooch.)

I can’t get this girl to use most sentences in the correct context, sentences she’s heard her WHOLE life. But of course, THIS she has to get on the first shot and she not only says it perfectly, she uses it in the right context. What the hell? I’ve decided to draft my letter of apology to the other parents at daycare now, just to get that out of the way. I was hoping to put her up for early entrance into Kindergarten since she’s a September baby. Will they hold this against her? Can they deny you entrance into public school for this? Surely you can’t lose custody of your kids for them learning foul language. Maybe I can enroll her in Los Angeles Unified School District in South Central then no one will notice?

I must admit, I’d like to be a fly on the wall when she pulls this out the day I’m not around. Perfect little blue-eyed, blond-haired little two year old. My only hope is she’s not pronouncing most other words very well that folks will just think she’s trying to say something else and it only sounds like what they think they heard.

Not.

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