Comments on: Positive Time Outs

By: Angel Zysk

Angel Zysk — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:38:23 +0000

Loved the article about positive timeouts. I struggle with this all the time. Very good tips.
Thank you!

By: Heligirl

Heligirl — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 23:52:02 +0000

Thanks Eva. I’m so glad to hear this is valuable to others. I’d love to hear about your experiences.

By: Nicola Neil

Nicola Neil — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 23:04:58 +0000

This post is beyond awesome. I am always wondering what to do and what not to do so I will follow some of these tips.

By: Eva

Eva — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 15:28:22 +0000

Thanks Jen and Kristi! It’s always nice to hear what other moms think about such issues. I feel pretty good about the direction we are going. Love the blog!

By: Heligirl

Heligirl — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 14:32:43 +0000

Hey Kristi, thanks so much for the comment! In reply to your questions, I really didn’t read anything that said something could “go wrong” per se by using Positive Time Outs before three. Many use them now. I think it depends on temperament. Some kids just won’t get it or benefit if it’s done too early for them. They may not be able to calm themselves, or have the language to understand what you’re telling them. Thanks also for sharing that you used these in your preschool and that they worked well. That’s just so cool, and very encouraging to hear.

By: Kristi

Kristi — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 23:20:40 +0000

In my experience and schooling “they” recommend 3 years old as a marker for time out because most children can conceptualize what it is for and why they need it. It’s and average, for sure and we all know every child is unique. Just like the pirate code it’s a guideline. No one wants to recommend harsh discipline for a baby. Many kids were thought to not need any discipline before three because they were considered babies still. Keep in mind Timeout is different than what you all are talking about. Taking a break to calm down is not harsh and let’s face it-it works well into adulthood. I wish more adults were taught to use it. I am not an expert but do have a lot of experience with kids and we used this type of timeout at our preschool (2-5 yr olds). It really helped the kids in our care to focus and re think the situation. I wonder if its used earlier for a child under 3 what could go wrong? What do the expert say will happen? I don’t remember any ill effects. Hmmm Jen did you come across any bad news for using this method? By the way love the blog!

By: Heligirl

Heligirl — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 02:36:08 +0000

Hi Eva. Thanks so very much for the comment and sharing your experience. It sure is heartening to hear you’re able to use these positive time outs. I too have found they’ve been really productive because we started giving our daughter breaks to help her calm down about the time tantrums entered our lives (20 months or so). In all my reading about these, I’ve not found a strong reason why the three year mark is regularly mentioned other than this is most likely an average. I think the proper use of positive time outs (meaning avoiding using them as punishment) can have a positive affect on some children younger than others and that most likely stems directly from the child’s temperament. Some are wired to need that break and they are able to feel better so much faster once they have it. Sounds like your little guy may just fit that bill and you’ve been doing him an amazing service by both being so in tune with him to notice how to help him feel better and helping teach him how to make himself feel better (which he’ll grasp when he gets older). When my little darling is in the throws of one of her tantrums, I can’t talk to her or touch her either. That’s why I decided to start these time outs earlier than the experts recommended and I really thing her temperament made it all work. I think an 18-month-old still having separation anxiety would be the opposite side of the spectrum, to give you some perspective.

Thanks again for visiting and writing!! –Jen

By: Eva

Eva — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 01:50:29 +0000

Thanks for the post! Time outs are a very interesting topic for us because we have recently started incorporating them. We don’t really like the word “time out” because that seems negative and like a punishment. We calmly and kindly ask our son if “he wants a break” when he is feeling a little out of control emotionally (which sometimes manifests itself in destructive ways like throwing or even hitting or grabbing at us). We realize that he calms down so much quicker if he has a “break”. I’ve tried testing it the other way just saying “mama loves you” “it’s okay to be upset” “let me give you a hug” but the tantrum usually just gets worse until we put him in his “break” area which is his crib. Then we come to him and say we love him give a hug in less than a minute. He is always very sweet and cuddly then.

So all this is some background so I can ask a question of you. In your opinion how young is too young for timeouts? Our son is 18 months old and although some professionals say timeouts are more appropriate for 3 years olds (like you said), it seems to really work with our little guy. It was nice to see you mention that some experts think 18 months is okay. Thoughts?

P.S. I found your blog from the West Seattle Moms meetup group.