Friday Funny – Is Hell Exothermic?

by Heligirl on May 21, 2010

in Daily Ramblings

OK, so I got this in an e-mail and it cracked me the hell up. In the tradition of The Mayor of Crazy Town’s Friday Funny, here be today’s panty wetter:

The following is an actual question given on a  University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by this student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct….. …leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

The kid got an A+. Makes me wonder about the teacher…


the mombshell May 21, 2010 at 10:18 am

holy shit that is brilliant!

allison May 21, 2010 at 4:27 pm

Are you kidding? That TOTALLY deserves an A+! That kid’s going to be a CEO.

Tracy (AKA The Mayor!) May 21, 2010 at 6:21 pm

Sheer brilliance!! But I’m in deep sh** if I have to make good on all my “when Hell freezes over” threats….frik.


KLZ May 22, 2010 at 4:34 am

I would like proof that this Teresa was actually shouting Oh My God. That is the only part of this that seems illogical to me…I don’t believe this nerd would be any good in bed.

Katie May 22, 2010 at 5:48 pm

This is PRICELESS!! I was halfway through reading this (and thinking of my philosophy class I had in college and how this would’ve made an EXCELLENT topic to BS my way through my final) when I started really rooting for this kid, hoping he made a passing grade (‘cuz the prof. could’ve been a real jerk with no sense of humor). Wonder how Teresa would’ve graded the kid?

Previous post:

Next post: