Comments on: Validating Feelings

By: Kristin @ Intrepid Murmurings

Kristin @ Intrepid Murmurings — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 21:23:06 +0000

Yes, I try to do this too, though I really need to do it more often, and especially remember #4! Its really hard to strike a balance and let them work through it when their sibs are involved, I’ve found. I have the card pack but need to get this app for my iPod, too — I think I’d use it a lot more! Thanks for the reminder!

By: Heligirl

Heligirl — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 02:22:50 +0000

Cristins, what a great story. That’s wonderful that he’s telling you how he feels. Amazing stuff. Yes, I’m right there with the battles with my 2.5 year old and 1 year old. The ground rules and habits we start now will be the foundation for these little guys. BTW, I have a hard time reigning in the yelling too. The other day my daughter randomly walked in to the room, furrowed her brow and yelled at me “Quiet! Baby brother is sleeping. Quiet.” then walked out. Her brother was playing in the living room with Hubby. This was just my daughter mirroring me and it made me stop (laugh and almost pee myself) but then think about how I was talking to her. Yes, we all have out pitfalls, but they’ll do a good job of showing us where we mess up.

By: cristins

cristins — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 00:24:42 +0000

being new to this blogging world.. just came across your blog, super cool. and YES to validating and allowing children to learn how to resolve their problems (w/ some guidance of course) I have a 3.5 y.o. and an 18 m.o. and oh boy do they fight.. I have to constantly check myself since I’m such a yeller! OMG it’s insane. but I’m learning… this parenting thing is no picnic!
But I have to tell you that when my oldest son asks me “mommy do you know how I fee?” and then proceeds to tell me how he feels and why? I feel really good, I fee like I’m doing something right!

By: Susan

Susan — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 21:43:31 +0000

I have also found that the ideas of Positive Discipline and Developing Capable Young People work wonderfully with a variety of ages, including adults. In fact, the DCYP course was originally called Developing Capable People, and I believe it was marketed for adults.

By: Heligirl

Heligirl — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:34:31 +0000

Thanks much. Yes, the real trick is finding the right balance. Help them too much, and they become reliant on you and start to form the belief that they need you there to help them solve problems. Don’t help enough, and they get frustrated and unsure of how to move forward. I think in the end it balances out. At least I hope so.

By: Baby Royalty

Baby Royalty — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:17:45 +0000

This is great. Giving children an oppurtunity at a young age to work out their own issues (within reason) is a wonderful way of showing them ownership. She was able to take not only ownership of her feelings, but also ownership of her actions. We all have emotions and feelings, but children just need a little help from parents in understand what they are, and how to use them. Keep up the good work mom!

By: Heligirl

Heligirl — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:16:50 +0000

Awe, shucks. Thanks!

By: Heligirl

Heligirl — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:16:32 +0000

Thanks Peter! I’ve found that many of these cards are handy outside of child rearing, like, with your boss for example. Just validating feelings can help calm someone down.

By: Heligirl

Heligirl — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:15:24 +0000

Aww, thanks so very much for sharing your insight! Would you be willing to step over to the community and offer some of your valuable experience? With your wild gang, and great parenting philosophies, you could really help with some great advice.

Thanks again chickadee. Love that you follow this technique, all child head butting aside.

By: Peter

Peter — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 12:16:01 +0000

I love this card. It is so important to allow kids (everyone) to be heard, and to put a name of what they are feeling.