This morning, while I was having my morning tea and checking e-mail, Sweetness heard a sound and asked what it was.

“That’s Jack snoring,” I told her, without looking from the screen.

She went into the living room and found the dog in the dog bed. She then wondered into her room, grabbed her bag of library books and went back to the living room. I then started hearing her “read” the books. I read these things to her so much in the three weeks we have them that she has them memorized. When I went to check on her she wasn’t on the couch reading as per her usual routine.

This is what I found.

I guess she decided that he needed a story to help fall asleep.

She carefully turned each page.

Then held it up and read it to him.

Looks like it was working. His eyelids look mighty heavy in that last shot. In the end she read him three books, complete with voices for the characters and inflections. Sometimes she can be just so darn sweet and caring.

I must remember these things for the times she’s wailing on her brother.

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Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

By popular demand, the following is reprinted from a guest post I did for Molly and Mommy on May 24, 2010.

I have to admit, when Alissa asked me to write a guest post on sleep I cringed. It’s hard to find a hotter issue for moms of young ones. But ever the researcher, I set out to share not only what I used to get my two to sleep through the night, but some of the advice from experts I hope will be of some use.

First off, I’ll share my experience. I’ve been very fortunate that my daughter has slept through the night (10-12 hours) since she was three months old (which makes up for the fact that she’s really difficult the other 12-14 hours during the day). My son took a little longer and started around 11 months, but for only an average of about three nights a week. Sometimes people ask what I did to get them to do this and I firmly believe some of it was what I did, but some is also the child. I did the same stuff for both, but got different results. Here’s what I did.

When my daughter, we call her Sweetness, was still just a squirmy bump of heartburn and insomnia I started doing my homework. I knew there would be a certain amount of sleepless nights in the future and I was determined to limit those as much as possible. I found two books that were infinitely helpful – Dr. Harvey Karp’s Happiest Baby on the Block and Tracy Hogg’s the Baby Whisperer. Both of these books were extremely helpful in getting me started in my parenting journey and the big thing I got from both of them was the theme of providing safety, comfort and predictability. These things help significantly when it comes to sleep.

Following Dr. Karp’s advice, I swaddled my kids and found that was significantly helpful the first six months for my daughter and three months for my son. I provided the comfort of a binky (I’m of the camp that believes if they’ve got a sucking reflex they’ll find something and you can take away a binky, but you can’t take away a thumb.) I put a fan in their rooms the first year to provide comforting white noise, and in the case of my daughter, used the swing all night every night for three months as that was the only place she would sleep. (I transitioned her out of the swing when she started waking in the night again by having her nap in her crib and once she got comfortable with that made the switch. We only had a week of rough nights then it was back to super sleeper.)

What I found most valuable in Hogg’s book was her emphasis on predictability. Kids need to know what to expect next and they find comfort and safety in that. So I developed a schedule. Not a time-dictated schedule, but an activity schedule. I began having certain activities always follow each other – sleep, eat, play, repeat. The babies always knew that when they woke, they’d eat, then play, then sleep. I watched for their cues (rubbing eyes when tired, smacking lips when hungry, etc.) and followed them. When kids feel comfortable and safe, they’ll be more likely to sleep better.

This extended to routines and one big routine in our house was always our bedtime routine. I personally believe this has been the single biggest contributor to our children sleeping. At the same time every night we begin and we’ve done this since the kids came home from the hospital. When they were infants, we just dove in. Now that Sweetness is 2 ½ we provide a five and two minute warning, followed by clean up then hit the routine. It simply consists of bath, dim lights in the bedroom for getting into jammies (hubby put dimmers in before they were born), a story, tucked into bed, and their music boxes turned on (which switch off in 15 minutes). Kids are usually tucked in between 7 and 7:30 depending on whether it was bath night or “tips and tails,” which is basically a sponge bath of face, hands, feet and diaper area. We rotate since soaking in a bath every night isn’t always best for their skin.

Another big thing is putting your baby down awake. Yes, awake. What really sent this home for me was when I read about how when you rock or nurse a baby to sleep, she’s all comfy and secure then you put her down all alone in the bed. When she wakes (which every human does several times during the night naturally), she’ll wake herself all the way up because she’s suddenly not sure where she is, “Wait a minute. This isn’t where I went to sleep. Where is that bottle/boob/rocking sensation?” Except for those first three months, when those newborns will fall asleep at the drop of a hat, I’ve not rocked/nursed either of the kids to sleep. Hubby tries that from time to time with Mr. Man and he pays for it the minute he lays the boy down.

I am personally not a co-sleeper so I never brought the kids to bed. For the first three months, Sweetness had her swing and Mr. Man had the cradle (for him it was in our room because it was summer and we had the air conditioner). Dr. Karp emphasizes you can’t spoil a child under three months. They’re all about needs at that age. After those three months when they started being more alert and awake during the day, they started doing all of their sleeping in their rooms and it has been that way every since. It’s a routine they never question. The keyword is routine. If your routine is to co-sleep, keep to the routine. It’s when you try to change it that you get resistance.

There is some experimenting we tried with our son, Mr. Man, to get him to drop one of his middle of the night crib parties. We added another step to his routine, which I call “topping off the tank.” I give him a meal before starting his bedtime routine. This could be some Cheerios or a yogurt or milk, depending on how hungry he is. It seems to have worked. He was hungry.

As some of you might know, I’m a very passionate advocate of Positive Discipline. I’ve written several articles on it on Heligirl and try to follow this parenting philosophy as closely as possible. When I read through Jane Nelson’s Positive Discipline books in reference to sleep, she advocates helping your children learn to sleep through the night rather than constantly running to their rescue, reminding her readers that the mother bird pushes the baby bird out of the nest despite its reluctance to fly. That said, while she does say that the cry it out method works the fastest, finding other ways are just as acceptable as long as we understand that some level of crying is going to take place. Some kids may be crying because they don’t like the change even though it is for the best. While positive discipline preaches allowing your children to have their feelings without rescuing them, it also teaches it is important to let them experience situations even if they don’t like it – such as falling asleep themselves. If we’re always rescuing them and helping, how will they learn to deal with life’s disappointments and find ways to pass through them on their own? Children have wants and needs. It’s important to meet the needs, but not all the wants. They need to sleep. They want you to rock them to sleep. Nelson encourages us to do what is best for both of us in the long term.

With that in mind, sometimes we get a little fuss after putting Mr. Man down. I started giving it a little time before going in after he was about five months old. I began to learn sometimes he cries to let off steam and as long as he isn’t screaming out, we give him five to ten minutes before going to check on him. If he seems to be pretty upset, one of us will go in and rub his tummy, which usually works. It lets him know we’re there. He’ll cry out when I leave, but not for very long most times.

When it comes to Mr. Man waking in the night, we have now learned through trial and error that if we wait for a few minutes, he usually puts himself back to sleep. By connecting his binkie to his sleep sack (far enough down so he can’t wrap it around his neck), we’ve learned he can now just find it and put it back in, which has been a big step in him putting himself back to sleep.

Which brings me to the point of self soothing. Many experts contend, and I tend to agree, that you have to help you baby learn to sooth himself. If you’re always going in to rock, walk with, carry, nurse, etc., he’s not going to learn to sooth himself. I’m certainly not saying you need to let your baby scream. I couldn’t stand that. Hell, one scream and I’ve got tazer mom syndrome (that sensation you’ve been tazed as adrenaline races through your veins when your baby cries out in the night and now you’re wide awake with your heart racing). But there comes a time when you just have to suck it up and give it a few minutes. The longer you wait to put your foot down, the longer it will take to change the behavior. It’s important to remember that crying, for some babies, is self soothing.

Finally, here is a little trick my Hubby and I did to help each other. We had a deal once I went back to work after maternity leave that he’d take all wake ups before 1 a.m. and I took them after. I hit the sack by 9:30 p.m. (I was so dang tired by then this was easy) and he’d come to bed around 11 p.m., often after the late night wake up or even offering a “dream feed,” which is a bottle while the baby is still sleeping). Typically, I’d only be up once again before my alarm went off at 5 (and sometimes couldn’t fall asleep between those times). Hubby’s went off at 6:30 a.m., so we were getting about the same amount of sleep. It’s good birth control too, FYI!

Clearly, there are books and books out there on sleep. One last one I’d highly recommend for those still having difficulty is the Sleepeasy Solution by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack. One of my buddies lent this to me when Mr. Man was still waking several times a night and it helped me better understand why he was crying and gave me the courage to wait a bit to see if he’d use his crying to put himself to sleep. Guess what? He did, most nights.

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Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Related posts:

1. I Dream of Sleep
2. I’m a Guest Blogger
3. Positive Discipline Pat on the Back

After our rigorous adventures in potty training this week (aka Butt Camp), I decided the troops needed a few hours of shore leave. Since the Museum of Flight is close to our house and it was cool and overcast outside, I thought this would be a great outing for us all. (And in case you’re following the Butt Camp rules, I used a pull up … and so did she. Sigh.)

If you’ve never been or heard of the Museum of Flight, I highly recommend it both to locals and visitors. Talk about nirvana for aviation buffs. The museum, located right on Boeing Field, a busy regional airport, is affiliated with the Smithsonian. It has a little of everything, from a replica of Boeing’s first factory, the Red Barn – complete with old tools and half built planes of that era, to a space section with rockets, rovers and a section of the space station, and everything in between. I love the gallery, a huge windowed section where lots of airplanes, and even a helicopter, are either suspended from the ceiling or sitting on the floor. The Courage Wing is filled with aircraft from various wars and outside you can tour an old Air Force One plane and a Concord. The museum just put in a bid for a Space Shuttle and is currently building the new building it will house (if they win). For the little ones, there is a great hands-on area where they can climb in airplanes, a helicopter, a hot air balloon and even hang gliders.

Sweetness loved it right away, pointing out the airplanes parked on the front lawn of the museum as well as the Boeing 787 taxiing by, just beyond the museum’s grounds. Once we got in, I gave her the option of choosing which way she wanted to go. She went toward the gallery.

After wondering around looking at planes, we stepped into the fuselage of an old Boeing 737-200. She ran down the isle, chose a seat and commanded me to sit. We sat, me with Mr. Man on my lap, and she had fun pretending to do her seat belt and talking about the airplanes she saw out the window in the gallery.

Then we headed down to the kids section where she played with the airplane, helicopter and hot air balloon before sitting for all of five minutes for story time, which was taking place in there at the time.

Mr. Man was restless so while Sweetness listened to the story of Goldilocks and the Three Martians (er, ok), I followed him around as he checked things out. He seemed most interested in standing by the glass emergency exit door, which looked out across the parking lot and toward the runways.

Do I have a future aviator on my hands?

After he crawled through the whole children’s exhibit, twice, a gathered him up and reinserted him in the stroller before we went to explore the Red Barn.

I love the Red Barn. It’s supposed to look like the original Boeing factory, which was located just down the river from where the museum stands. There is a lot of history in there on the Boeing company as well as replicas and models of the old aircraft Boeing made in the beginning. Perhaps one of my favorite aspects of this part of the museum is the sounds. It’s made of solid wood so as people walk around on the main floor or above, there’s this great old creaking sound. It just feels the part.

Mr. Man loved looking up and pointing at the airplanes hanging from the ceiling as Sweetness lead me through with endless “what’s that mommy?” questions. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over her curiosity with things around her. I just love that to death and will talk her ear off about things if she asks.

In all, we spent about 90 minutes there before Sweetness started asking about lunch. Like a dufus, I’d left the diaper bag and snacks sitting on the floor by the door at home. So we headed out with Sweetness asking when we can return.

I’m really looking forward to exploring the place more with the kids. While I’ve been lots before, having Sweetness’ new eyes and endless questions made it all new for me. She saw things I hadn’t noticed before. I think we were all learning and enjoying.

To learn more about the museum, please visit their site. They even have a virtual membership for anyone in the world to tour and have access to the museum from a computer, if you can believe it!  They have much better photos on their site as well, as I, the dufus, left the camera at home, again. So we had to do with the iPhone, again.

What are you doing this summer with the kids to get out, connect and build lasting memories?

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Day 4, Tuesday, July 27, 2010:

Sweetness was out cold when I left for work at 6:45 a.m. My regular calls to the nanny basically revealed that she either refused to go to the bathroom all morning, or was finding a way to be sneaky about where she was going. On Tuesdays a little boy her age who is completely potty trained comes over. She watched him do his magic, and she sat on the potty a lot, but there was no action.

When I got home, the nanny informed me that shortly after my last call Sweetness sat on the potty for 15 minutes outside, promptly got up, squatted in the grass to pee, then returned to the potty.

She was wondering around kind of funny and grabbing herself shortly after I got home, but despite several suggestion she have a seat on the potty, she sat for only a few seconds and then started in with lots of ‘no.’ I went into the bedroom to change and she followed. She was still dancing around holding herself a lot so I grabbed the potty and brought it into our master bath. She sat on it for a minute then stood up and picked it up. I was in the middle of tying my shoes when she started demanding I carry the potty. I told her I was busy and to please just put it down. In her typical manner of late, she threw it to the ground. And it hit her foot. Which made her scream. And then she let loose. She ran around the bathroom peeing all over the place. I finally caught her and went to put her on the potty and she fought me, peeing all the way, all over herself, the potty, the floor, the bathmats, everything.

That was it for me. I was so completely pissed off at this point I had to leave the room or I’d start shaming her. I left to get rags and a mop. When I returned she was on the potty where I’d put her and had peed a little more in there. No wonder she was dancing around.

I stripped her down, took her into the tub, sprayed her off from waist down, then slapped a diaper on her. I gave up. She just wasn’t really getting it. I’d wasted enough nice days following her around and encouraging her to sit on the potty only to have her avoid the damn thing today and pee all over the yard and bathroom. She asked me where her potty was and I told her I put it away because she didn’t want to use it. She was back in diapers now. Pee away.

After a little time to cool off, which I used to get Mr. Man up from his nap, changed and in his high chair with finger food, I went to check on her. She asked if she could go out and play in the pool. I put her swim shirt on and took off the diaper. She went outside and I ended up following with the potty. I left it there with her and went in to feed Mr. Man.

About 15 minutes later she came walking up the stairs to the deck carrying the basin of the potty. “Look Mommy, poop!”

Well I’ll be. We did the potty dance, she got hugs, we flushed, washed hands and had a candy.

When Sweetness’s buddy’s mom came by to pick him up she told me the 3-day program she followed required the child to wear underwear so they’d feel the wetness right away. That’s what worked for her son. At this point, and in my current state of mind, I’ll give anything a try.

So with Sweetness now out of pee and poo, I slapped the padded undies I had for her on her butt and we all went off to Target to pick out big girl panties and pull ups (the later for daycare). When we got to the toddler undies, she chose a cool set of froggy undies. She loves frogs, so she was pretty psyched. Then we grabbed some pull ups and were out of there. She did really well. Her first outing without diapers, and no incidents.

When we got home she started acting out. She’s been doing this a lot lately, and maybe it’s a side effect of all the focused potty training. She walked right up to her brother and slapped him in the face. We’ve been working on her hitting her brother and she knows the rules. If she hits, kicks, slaps or otherwise hurts him, she has to have a positive time out. We take her out of the situation and set her down in her room. Sometimes I’ll hand her a book and suggest she enjoy a little time away from baby brother. Lately she just starts screaming about this as she stands in her room, getting herself all upset rather than cooling off. I realize she’s probably acting this way about being separated from her brother because she views it as punishment, but I’ve yet to find a better way to deal with it when I’m in the middle of something and can’t give her all my attention.

After slapping her brother three different times I took her off to her room and sat her down with a book. She started crying. I explained we are nice to each other and there is no hitting. Perhaps she can read a book where baby brother isn’t so he can’t bother her. She screamed louder. I brought in the potty just in case. She slammed the door on me and not more than 30 seconds later the screaming changed. I went in to check and sure enough, she was standing there next to the potty in a huge puddle of pee. I don’t think I can count this accident as being a lack of grasping potty training because she was upset. Come to think of it, I probably can’t count the bathroom spraying either since she was evidently traumatized by throwing the potty onto her own foot.

However, the day ended without her using the potty again. She danced around a lot grabbing herself before bed, but did nothing about it. She wore her new big girl underwear, told us several times that she needed to use the potty (and went over, pulled down her undies and sat on it), but no dice.

I know I should see that the actual accidents I had to clean up were limited to two, and they were both when she was distressed. And the pooping thing is a big step. Also, she didn’t soil her new undies. I know this is all progress. It’s just that I’m impatient and really just want to see some serious progress, like her using the potty regularly, without me having to ask all the time. It will come in time. And as my nanny share buddy said as she was leaving, Sweetness will be out of diapers by the time she starts dating. Or better yet, maybe she’ll still be in them and then she’ll avoid dating. There’s a positive side to everything, see?

In the meantime, Mr. Man decided he needed to pull a new parlor trick so as not to be forgotten during this time of intense focus on big sister. Today he started walking with the walker for the first time:

Click here to view the embedded video.

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Related posts:

1. Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 3
2. Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 1
3. Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 2

Day 3, July 26, 2010:

Right around 2:15 a.m. Sweetness woke and started crying. I wrote about this in yesterday’s post. My only guess is her little brain was working overtime on the whole potty training issue and it woke her up. She was back asleep by 3 a.m. or so.

Despite her early morning wake up call, she was up at 6:40 a.m., so I got her up and dressed her in a sundress. As I was taking off her diaper, which was still dry as I’d changed it at 2:15 a.m., she told me, “no diapers.” Ahhh, progress. This was a step up from me having to explain why I wasn’t putting one on her yesterday morning. “That’s right, no diapers anymore during the day so as soon as we get up, we have to sit on the potty.” This time, she said “no,” but then went into the living room and sat on the potty. That’s where I left her, reading a book, when I went to work.

I left a long list of things to do and look out for with the nanny, and called her every hour or so to see how things were going. By my 10 a.m. call, the nanny hadn’t seen any sign of her going to the bathroom, even though she’d sat on the potty several times. However, they had gone outside, where it was already 70+ degrees, and she had spent some time in the kiddie pool.

We concluded she’d probably gone in there, so the nanny dumped the water and refilled it.

I got home just before 1 p.m. to the kids having lunch. The nanny informed me that Sweetness did pee on the hall floor (hitting the hardwood) not long after I called, but nothing since then, and nothing in the potty. My heart sank. Maybe she just wasn’t going to get this after all.

After they finished lunch I put Sweetness on the potty and we read a book. When she stood up, there was just a little bit in the potty. “Look, you started to go, honey. Go on and finish.” She had a pained look on her face and wanted to get up and leave. I’m beginning to recognize this behavior, start to pee on the potty, stop and try to go off and hold it as long as possible until it can’t be held any longer. I suggested we go out and play.

We went out together, with the potty. Not long after we got outside she pulled up her dress and sat down on the potty. That pained look was on her face again.

I sat down next to her, held her hand and told her, “that’s ok, honey. That’s what it feels like when you have to pee. Go ahead and relax. That’s the way. You can do it.”

She was looking at me with this total look of worry and as it started to go away I heard her pee with the force of a fire hose. She was pushing and holding back at the same time, trying to figure out which was right. As she went, I smiled and talked her through it, “that’s it honey! You’re peeing. That’s how you do it! You did it!”

She suddenly got a very proud look on her face and hugged me. Then she looked down, “that’s pee! I did it!”

I felt so excited that I could talk her through it, maybe help her make the connection lovingly. Then she floored me.

“Candy?”

“Oh hell,” I thought. I’d just decided I wasn’t going to do the reward thing. She wasn’t interested in it yesterday. But she was sure in the loop today.

So we took the potty in, dumped it out in the toilet, washed hands and she got a candy.

I figured at that point I had enough time to sneak in a shower. (I skipped the morning shower in favor of a few more minutes of snooze, having been woken in the middle of the night.) The kids joined me in the bathroom, alternatively screaming and crying (Mr. Man for God knows what reason and Sweetness because Mr. Man was crying and she hates that). After the world’s fastest and most stressful shower, and as I was getting dressed again, Sweetness ran out of the room then returned with an “uh, oh.” She had a few drips down her leg.

“Where’s the pee?” I asked and she showed me a spot on the hardwood (thank you Jesus, she missed the carpet) that was only a few drops. Then she sat on her potty. After a few minutes she announced “there’s the pee” and showed me her potty. It was just a little bit. We carried the potty out to the living room (it had been in the bathroom with the kids while I was in the shower) and she sat down. She let out a few more drops and got up. I went into the kitchen to begin rinsing the lunch dishes. Sweetness came in and stood by me for a minute, then said those magical words:

“I have to go potty!” as she reached between her legs.

YES! I turned off the water as I told her to go to the potty. I followed her over. She sat down and got that pained look. I again sat on the floor next to her, held her hand and talked her through it. She squirmed and said “no,” then the dam broke and she filled that potty in four seconds. I laid on the encouragement, “you did it, that’s the way, you went pee in your potty!”

She just smiled and said, “yay, one piece of candy.” Sigh.

With that release we had a couple of hours of play time and as I made dinner, Hubby encouraged her to sit down on the potty and talk to him before dinner. After a couple of her few drops at a time maneuvers, he sat her back down and handed her her digital camera so she could scroll through her photos. As she did that, the dam broke again.

During dinner she announced she had to go, sat on the potty, but didn’t do anything. We expect she had to poo, but wasn’t emotionally ready for that leap yet.

The Day 3 Potty Count: 3 full potties, 6 very little amounts, and twice she said she had to go potty.

Final verdict: This three days to be fully potty trained is a bunch of hooey in our house. Maybe it works for kids who were already using the potty from time to time when prodded, but it’s not a sure thing for kids who weren’t. Regardless, she’s clearly starting to get the hang of it. She only had one full accident and a few drips of accidents the third day were she was peeing all over the place the first day. I’d say this method has it’s merits. Just don’t hang your hat on the 3-day thing. I recommend setting aside several more than three days.

We decided to do this at a time where we could pull a 5-day stretch just to be safe. Given I only work from 7 am to 12:30 p.m. Monday and Tuesday, and have Wednesday off, we’re pushing through five days.

The program does call for your child to be diaper and underwear free during the day for three months. Yes, three months, before you introduce underwear. I’m not sure we’ll get that far. In fact, the daycare she attends on Thursday and Friday demands Pull-Ups for 30 days AFTER she’s stopped having accidents before she can wear underwear. I’m a little concerned about regression with the Pull-Ups, but there’s not much I can do in that area.

So I’ll continue the next two days and will report back. This has been long and tiring, and not a little frustrating, but it’s working. Slowly, but surely, it’s working.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 3. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Related posts:

1. Potty Training – Day 4 of 3
2. Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 2
3. Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 1

Back? Ok. Just to prepare you, I have to say, after an encouraging end to Day 1, Day 2 was a frustrating as all get out.

Day 2, Sunday, July 25, 2010:

Sweetness started out with a very full and poopy diaper. As I was changing her into her sundress, we talked about the potty. I reminded her that we don’t wear diapers during the day anymore and because of that, we need to sit on the potty as soon as we get up in the morning. That went over like a wet fart in church. I tried the choices approach – do you want the little potty or the toilet? The answer? “No!”

I'm considering making an investment. Do you think these will be enough rags or should I double my order?

To her credit, she did sit on her little potty a lot all morning. She had breakfast, hung out in the bathroom with me as I took a shower (her potty in the room too), and played a long time (stopping to sit on the potty when asked) before the first “opportunity” came. It had been 90 minutes since I got her up and I was getting nervous so I had her sit on it while I read like 4,325 books. Nothing. She ran around the house and every time she stopped I asked her to sit and she did. Then she got up and walked to the front screen door (the front door was open so air would circulate through the house and she likes to stand at the screen door and look out). She was there maybe two seconds, looking out at the yard before she peed on the threshold. Arggg!

She went back to the potty while we cleaned that up and when she got up there was a very, very tiny poo. You’re supposed to acknowledge even the tiny things so we did our potty dance, she got to dump and flush, then got her candy. I kept trying to get her to sit just in case, but she’d had enough. She went over to stand next to Hubby who was at the couch. Not two minutes later she announced, “Look, dog poop” and pointed to a pile at Hubby’s feet.

It wasn’t dog poop.

After another round of sitting on the potty and the poo clean up, I glanced at the clock – 9 a.m. It was going to be a long day.

I lathered her up with suntan lotion and took her outside to play. She played for an hour, going on and off the potty. Then finally, a few drops in the potty. Another potty dance and such. Then we went in and all hell broke loose.

First, after sitting on the potty for 15 minutes, she got up and peed a full bladder load in the corner. Not 30 minutes later, after another potty sitting and reading spell, she got up to wash her hands and peed all over the bathroom floor. I may be grasping for straws here, but the good news is she’s only actually hit carpet once so far since Saturday morning.

As a side note, I’ve noticed rewards don’t seem to be making any difference at all at this point. I’ve decided to bag them. Hubby wants to keep trying, but if she doesn’t ask for the candy after using the potty, I don’t offer it. I’ve noticed she’s far more excited about the prospect of taking the potty to the toilet, dumping it out and flushing by herself. In a way, that makes me feel so good. Being able to do something herself makes her feel much better than any reward, which is how it should be. So I’m following her lead on that.

I am keeping up with the encouraging words (even though I’m feeling mighty discouraged) and when she has accidents, making sure I’m saying, “Oh honey, you missed the potty. Don’t worry. I have faith you’ll get the hang of this in time and remember to go to the potty first. We’ll just keep trying.” The last thing I want to do is give her a complex. This much seems to be working because she isn’t fighting us when we tell her it’s time to sit on the potty.

The real trick in all of this is constant vigilance. It is hard to watch both kids at the same time. I try to keep them both in the same room together. If Sweetness wonders off to a different room to play, I’ll go with her and bring the potty. Mr. Man usually follows. She mainly stays in the living room or out back, so that’s not too big of a problem.

Mr. Man is doing two naps a day so we’ve been able to switch off keeping a close eye on Sweetness. It’s going to get harder during the week while Hubby is at work. When Mr. Man woke from his first nap yesterday, Hubby took him and ran errands. It’s nice to have only one around, but I can’t let her out of my sight, which is tiring, to say the least. If I pick up a book, try to check mail, anything, she’ll invariably pee somewhere. I realize we’re in the stage now where she just needs to experience and recognize the sensation of having to go to the bathroom. I must remain vigilant.

After another couple of accidents I was tired, frustrated and not a little discouraged. I worked really hard not to show it. I needed a break in the worst way. Then Sweetness came to my rescue, “Watch the car movie?” As a general rule, I’m very anti-TV for the kids. They can have 15 minutes of cartoons a day, if any. But I saw an opportunity.

I put Cars in the DVD player and made a deal with Sweetness. She can watch as long as she stays on the potty. She was tired from all her time outside so she sat quietly and watched her whole movie (a record for how long she’s sat in front of the TV). At the end we had a full potty! It was the ONLY full potty of the day. Sadly, I’m pretty certain her using it was not a conscious decision. Usually she announces she’s peed. This time she just got up after the movie walked away. I had to point out the pee. She seemed surprised. I don’t think I can count that as a victory. Sigh.

In an attempt not to feel completely discouraged, I reviewed what was different about Day 2. In truth, there was one big difference. While there were twice as many accidents, some of them were very small, followed by a bigger one a little later. She’s learning to sense it coming and is stopping mid-stream, if you will. That’s a big step. And sometimes there was only very little in the potty (same principle), she just hadn’t made the connection it was OK to let ‘er rip when on the potty (or she was just so focused on trying to stop it).

I think I might be right about her making these connections because she woke in the middle of the night last night and started crying. When I got to her room, her light was on, books were in her bed and she was standing by the door. We snuggled for a bit before she went back to sleep. I’m wondering if her little brain was working so hard on this it woke her up. And if so, did she make some progress internally? We’d soon find out, because the beginning of Day 3 was only four hours away…

Check out Day 3.

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Related posts:

1. Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 3
2. Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 1
3. Potty Training – Day 4 of 3

Then recently I learned that three of her male buddies her age and younger were now either only wearing diapers at night or were completely potty trained. Boys are generally supposed to take longer to potty train. I began to worry that by being so careful to not push, perhaps we hadn’t provided her with the opportunities she needed to begin learning. So we decided to give a new method a try this week and see how it goes from there.

I reviewed the potty training readiness guidelines found in several books and websites. She had them all: dry diapers for more than two hours at a time, the ability to pull her pants on and off, an awareness of when she was about to and after she went in her diaper, and a willingness to sit on the potty.

I spoke to the moms of the boys who were potty trained to learn what worked for them. Each did a similar thing – removed the diaper and stayed close for several days. One recommended the three day potty training method to get started. With this weekend being really nice weather and my schedule as it is, between us and the nanny I had five days in a row to really give it a shot. We’d not be overly pushy about it. If she wasn’t getting the hang of it by then, we’d just wait and try again later.

While there is an eBook on the topic you can pay for, I simply went to BabyCenter’s potty training page. They have a lot of valuable information compiled from several sources, which I’ve found most valuable when it comes to seeing all the possibilities and making an educated decision for myself.

The basics of this program are simple: Plan to go NOWHERE for three days straight, leave your child without anything on below the waist that entire time, watch your child closely at all times to identify opportunities to use the potty, give lots of fluids, have a couple of potties available around the house, and provide encouragement.

Day 1, Saturday, July 24, 2010:

7:00 a.m. Got Sweetness up and reminded her of the discussion we had before going to bed the night before – today we’re going to go all day without diapers and use the potty. She asked for her underwear. In my attempts to ease her into it and reduce early power struggles, I told her she could wear underwear, as long as she remembered she needed to use the potty. I knew this would probably not work. I was right.

7:30 a.m. She announces “uh, oh. Look! Go potty.” And starts waddling toward the kiddie potty I put in the living room, undies dripping. I tossed her undies into the wash and now she wore only a shirt. However, after about 30 minutes of her running around putting her butt on everything I couldn’t take it anymore. She’s a girl already. She can wear dresses. I changed her into a sun dress and nothing else.

That morning she peed in her brother’s room, on her bed and in the living room. Each time we took her straight to the potty, reminded her that she needed to go in the potty, then cleaned up. Cornstarch is perfect for absorbing human (not pet) waste and odor, by the way.

I absolutely had to go grocery shopping, so I threw a diaper on her and ran to the store with her. Unfortunately for the potty training, but not for Safeway, she used the diaper. I was annoyed with myself for taking her, thinking I’d messed up our training.

Then I lathered her up with suntan lotion and took her into our private, fenced backyard to play in the pool and with the water table wearing only her swim top (which is a full SPF 50 shirt). It was odd to put suntan lotion in her little butt, I tell you what.

The potty joined us outside and she sat on it every 15 minutes or so. Then suddenly, after playing a bit, she got up, went to the potty, sat down, looked down at herself, then announced, “look, it’s pee!”

We did the potty dance, hugged then I showed her how to wipe and she got to carry the potty to the toilet, dump it out and flush.

Now, there are a lot of arguments both ways about rewards. It’s actually something really frowned upon in positive discipline. However, after going back and forth, talking to other moms of potty trained kids, I decided to do it. I guess I convinced myself that using it as a part of our encouragement in the first couple of weeks could only help. Many of my pals did similar things and had no issue removing the reward once they were trained. So we decided she gets a little gummy candy each time she uses the potty. She got to pick one out.

Our excitement and success was short lived. She peed next to her chalk scribbles on the back patio about an hour later, then in the house two more times before bed. No poo to be seen – which typically takes a child much longer to do on the potty.

Yet she did have one more surprise for us before the day was out. As I was washing Mr. Man, she came into the bathroom with hubby, climbed up on the toilet step, put down the kiddy seat that is built into our toilet seat, sat down and promptly peed. We all clapped for her, Mr. Man included, and she beamed. She got to wipe, flush and pick out a candy.

Thus ended day one. We went from accidentally using the potty only once in her life to using it twice on her own accord. I’d call that progress and if this first day is any indication, it’s going to be slow going. At least I can say we only used one diaper – a big step when a box is $50!

Here’s some helpful reading if you’re about to make the potty training leap. There is so much information out there it’s easy to become overwhelmed. I found these three trusted sources to be of help. I’ve used a little from each to do our little three-day experiment. If it fails, I’ll know Sweetness just needs more time.

Jane Nelsen’s Positive Discipline Blog post on Toilet Training

Dr. Sears’ Toilet Training Basics

WebMD’s Potty Training Tips

Check out Day 2.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 1. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Related posts:

1. Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 3
2. Potty Training – Day 4 of 3
3. Potty Training in Three Days or Less – Day 2

It’s also a great way to destroy relationships.

I’m a fairly new blogger. I started writing in this blog’s current set up in December 2009 and went public in February 2010. Shortly after I started I was mistakenly under the impression that the only people reading my blog were the other mom bloggers out there that I visited and who visited back as a courtesy. I told friends and family about the site, but other than a few close mommy pals I knew personally, no one I announced the new blog to commented on it. As for family, only one or two family members mentioned they visited it that first week I went public. I figured they didn’t return and foolishly didn’t really consider them as my audience when I wrote.

I was so very wrong in my thinking. (Hi friends and family! I love you guys.)

I try hard to share what I can about positive parenting here. One big thing in this parenting philosophy is leading by example. I failed at that big time when I wrote a post a couple of months ago venting my frustration at a member of my hubby’s family. I was responding to a writing prompt that basically threw gasoline on my brewing fire and I let it go. I shared my raw, unedited, ugly feelings. Back then, maybe 20 people a day visited Heligirl. I’d get 1-2 comments a day, max, if any. I naively thought I could just vent and those few mommy pals could offer me some advice to help me deal with my frustration. I did get some good advice and support. But I forgot one very important thing: the blog is public and I honestly don’t know exactly who sees it. Or when. (Someone can stumble upon a very old post, long after you’ve forgotten it.)

As it turns out, that family member, and possibly several others, read my ugly, angry post and all the comments (mine included). I don’t know when it was read. But make no mistake about it, the person I vented about read it.

Now, I know I’ve piqued your interest, but don’t go looking for it. The post is no longer there. I had vowed to myself I’d never delete anything, only edit in the case where information might have been wrong. When I went back and read the post, which I’d not done since I wrote it, I was horrified at the venom and anger. It was so in appropriate and embarrassing it had to go. And I intuitively knew better than to air this on the Internet. What the heck came over me?

Since learning the post was read and that family member was hurt, I reached out to take steps to repair the relationship. I’ve sent a long note, apologizing all over the place and trying to explain myself, but also expressing there is no excuse for my behavior.

The sad truth is, the reason for my anger was so petty and insignificant and I have now risked a formerly great relationship with someone who had been accepting of me since I started dating hubby. I’ve not heard back yet (it really has only been a day), but I will keep doing what I can to express my regret and show my good intentions of never letting something that stupid happen again.

With that, my advice to other bloggers out there is even if you think no one is visiting your site, you can never be sure. Don’t ever write anything in your blog that you wouldn’t share directly with the people closest to the subject. I know it sounds intuitive, but just keep it in mind. A simple comment here or there, even on another person’s blog, could have the worst of repercussions. I know many bloggers choose to not tell friends and family they blog, but keep in mind a simple clue or photos of you or family can be all it takes for someone to know, and then everything you’ve written is now fair game. Something to ponder if nothing else.

I’d love to know if anyone else has every made this mistake. And if so, were you able to repair it? How did you do that? Thanks in advance, and if you, my sweet family member I so selfishly hurt, are reading. I’m sorry again, and I love you.

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Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Taking time to get away from the house and focus solely on doing things with the kids is a really big piece of positive parenting. When we take the time to focus on them individually, giving them our full undivided attention, we make valuable connections they need to thrive. Sometimes it’s hard to carve this time out all the time, but I made a vow with myself to try to do something with the kids at least one day a week, away from the house, all summer. That list is my guide.

Since I’m off on Wednesdays, I’m working on trying to meet this goal each hump day. Today was a success:

5. Visit Camp Long.

First we set up in the field for a little rocket launching around 10 a.m. The kids had a blast playing while I had fun catching up with my buddy. Mr. Man and my buddy’s little girl, who is close to the same age, enjoyed playing in the grass. We had a little lunch then went for a walk around the trails. There were a lot of thick brush trails that made us nervous with strollers. There were also some trails a bit overgrown with stinging nettles and various thorny brush. But there were also a lot of well groomed trails and lots of little discoveries to be made. The kids really liked the pond, where they looked for frogs and pointed out the sticks under water. Sweetness’ buddy coined the pond “Great Poo Pond.” Not really sure if he was making a joke or was thinking we were saying “Grey Poupon.” Either way, it cracked us up.

We ended up spending 2.5 hours shooting air rockets, eating and strolling around the trails and probably saw only 10 percent of the place. There were a lot of day camp groups throughout having a grand old time. This is definitely a place I’ll be back to when both kids are old enough to take nature walks.

As for connecting, I think Sweetness was more interested in her buddy, but many times she ran up to show me things and ask me “what’s that sound?” and “what’s that?”. I think she learned a lot and really enjoyed herself. Mr. Man loved the sensation of crawling through the grass and checking out the little female person who was toddling around him. He giggled a lot, handed me pieces of grass and clover, and had a nice little relax on the stroll, checking out the trees, plants and his chattering sister.

I’m already getting excited about what we’ll do next week.

(Totally forgot my camera, so relied on the iPhone. Please excuse the photo quality.)

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Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

You see, I have Wednesdays off and negotiated that at the beginning of last school year. During the school year, that’s when I participate in the classroom. But during the summer, that’s our day to play, just the kids and me. They’re just starting to get into playing with mom and I want to cherish every bit of this precious time while I can. Too soon they’ll be teenagers and spend their time telling me how uncool I am and to go away.

I waited all year for this slew of Wednesdays just for us. It can’t possibly be winding down yet. And at the rate time flies these days, I’m sure I’m not alone. So I pulled out my to-do list and maybe we can inspire each other to make sure to schedule at least one special thing each week before September.

1. Hit the wading pool. Our parks have lots of wading pools and with budget cuts, different ones are open different times and days. Sure, it takes time and organization to get to these – pack swimsuits, lotion, towels, swim diapers, regular diapers, hats, snacks, drinks, wipes, toys, yadda yadda. But the fun the kids will have makes it all worth it. I’ll see if another mommy pal wants to go too.
2. Go Farrel-McWhirter Farm Park. It’s a great park just across Lake Washington where there is a children’s animal farm. It’s on a small scale, and has the typical animals found at the petting zoo, but on a nice sunny day the kids would get a kick out of it. Sweetness is really into animals and farms. She’ll help teach Mr. Man animal names and sounds for sure. We can take a picnic lunch too.
3. Go back to the beach. I found this really great beach area up in Edmonds where I can take the kids to play in the sand. Our visit was really short the first time and I’d like to take a little more time to play there. Maybe dad will come over on the ferry and join us again. I could lazy away a full morning watching the kids play in the sand.
4. Go to the Imagine Children’s Museum in Everett. I took the kids one weekend and LOVED it. I bought a membership thinking I’d take advantage of it lots this summer. I’ve yet to return. It’s going to be a lot of work chasing one while carrying the other, but Mr. Man is getting good at riding in the Ergo on my back and Sweetness would just explode at the idea of playing there again.
5. Visit Camp Long. It’s one of Seattle’s best kept secrets and is just up the street. It’s a little piece of nature playground in the city with trails, forest, rock climbing and even a stream. I have a Jeep stroller so hitting the trails with Mr. Man taking the ride and Sweetness leading the way sounds like a lovely way to spend the day. I’ll pick a really warm day were being in the trees will be mighty comfortable.
6. Go to the Museum of Flight. I put on a helicopter show there every June and got a membership for the kids and me. With Sweetness being totally into anything airplane or helicopter, we could spend a whole day there and she’d be in heaven. We’ll plan to have lunch together in the cafe.
7. Take a walk in the Seattle Art Museum’s Olympic Sculpture Park. I’ve never been and think it would be a great exercise, fun for Mr. Man to take a stroller ride and Sweetness to check out the funky art. We’ll pack a snack and make a long morning out of it.

Wow, looking at that list I think it’s rather lame that I haven’t done more of this yet. But I’ve vowed we’ll check them out this summer. Even if you don’t live here in Seattle, I hope this has at least sparked some ideas of things to do in your own neck of the woods. What are some things you’ll try to do before the summer is done, either by yourself or with kids? And if you know of something in the Seattle area, please do share!

If you’d like to expand your horizons a bit, here’s a great article on things to do around Western Washington. Some extend into other seasons and there’s no lack of fun stuff here.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on 7 Summer Must Dos Before Labor Day. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

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