Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy » Positive Discipline

Letting Go of Control

Heligirl — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 09:55:42 +0000

Chances are you’ve heard all about helicopter parenting. I come across that and cringe just because I’m a mom and a helicopter pilot and sometimes people wonder if my blog is about helicopter parenting. Ugh, quite the contrary.

Helicopter parenting is in essence parents who hover over their children at all times, rarely giving the child the opportunity to learn from mistakes and figure their own way out of problems.

It’s hard to watch our children fail, but when we give them the knowledge and teach them the skills, we have to step back and let them try, and sometimes fail, if they’re going to appreciate their own ability to succeed. Failure is only a step to success. If we never failed, how could be so confident from our successes?

When babies are born, they need us to manage every aspect of their lives. We need to begin to let go as soon as they start doing things on their own. Continuing to do things for them, or control how they’re done, only stunts a child’s sense of independence and belief that they can do things themselves.

As we begin to let go, take baby steps. Just like when helping a toddler take his first steps we let go of their hands for a few precious steps to show them they can do it, we must also do the very same in all aspects of their lives in time.

Make time to teach your child what she needs to know before letting go. When we give them the knowledge and skill they need, they’re much more likely to manage doing something on their own sooner and with more confidence.

Remember to have and show your faith in your child. I tell the kids “That was a very good try. It takes practice. I have faith you’ll get the hang of this really soon. Just keep practicing.”

My mom tip for today: let go of your kids in little steps as soon as you can and you’ll give them the gift of learning through their own successes and failures, which will build strong self-belief.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Letting Go of Control. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Teaching The Art of Conversation

Heligirl — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 09:47:09 +0000

Last week I talked about the PNC Grow Up Great program and how it offers some great tips and tools to help our kids from birth to 5 prepare for a lifetime of learning. Today I’d like to talk about teaching conversation skills as recommended by PNC. But before I do, if you didn’t check out their site, please don’t hesitate.

Go now.

I’ll wait….

Did you go? Good.

If not, here’s a taste.

It is really so very easy to introduce learning concepts in everyday life, and their program gives great examples that are mighty helpful for busy parents, like me.

For instance, by simply asking kids how their day was or even “what was your favorite part of today?” as you’re all sitting down to dinner helps kids learn to share their experiences while also learning the valuable skill of listening and talking.

When in school, kids need to be able to articulate thoughts, opinions and details. Encouraging them to start sharing early on, in a comfortable environment like the dinner table, gives them the valuable experience needed to develop these skills.

What’s more, they’ll learn about conversations, taking turns, sharing and listening, additional important skills for school. They’ll learn to listen quietly when others speak, and they’ll learn what it’s like to be listened to when they speak.

As a positive discipline advocate, I love this tip as well for its important positive discipline benefits.

Taking time to ask questions of and listen to your children builds a sense of belonging and importance in the family within them. They feel included, special and important when the adults give them their full attention.

And, of course, I feel strongly every family should share one meal a day together if at all possible, no TV, no cell phones, no missing family members, etc. Family time is extremely important, and even more so when schedules get crazy. Kids need that sense of togetherness and sitting down to dinner to share about the day is a wonderful way to bring even the busiest families together.

My tip for today: Ask kids about their days when you sit down to dinner. This develops conversation skills and increases their sense of belonging and importance.

Do you have time to get the family together every evening and, if so, have you ever asked your kids about their days or other questions to get them talking? What kind of responses do you get in respect to how they react (not so much what they say)?

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Teaching The Art of Conversation. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Positive Discipline When/Then Technique

Heligirl — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 08:45:16 +0000

My daughter has been very capable of understanding the positive discipline concept of when she does ABC, then she can XYZ since she turned 3. This concept is known in the positive discipline community as the when/then technique or principle. It teaches kids responsibility, accountability and gives them some control over the outcome.

The concept is very simple. You lay down the rules straight away: “When you pick up all your toys, then we’ll start the movie,” “When you’ve eaten all your supper, then you can have dessert,” “When your homework is finished, then you can play video games,” etc.

The next step is to stick to your guns. Don’t give a when/then if you don’t intend to stick to it.

If your other children or you and your spouse were really set on seeing that movie and your youngest isn’t going to pick up the blocks, you’re not teaching a good lesson if you make this statement, then end up letting him watch anyway even though he didn’t clean up.

In that instance, a consequence might be better. (“If you don’t pick up your blocks, then I’ll take them away for a week.”)

See the difference?

When/Then in Action

We’ve put when/then to work here at the Heligirl household time and again and it really does work. For instance, we have a little habit in the mornings of watching Sesame Street. The kids know they can’t watch until they’re dressed. This is a great motivator to get them dressed. They hear me tell them, “When your dressed, then we’ll watch Sesame Street.”

Then I wait. When they ask again to see the show, I remind them again. I have to bite my tongue not to tell them over and over, or even say “I told you…”. On days we have to get out of the door by a certain time, I remind them that if they’re not dressed soon they’ll not be able to see any of the show.

The trick is to stick to your guns. You’re giving them the choice and the power. If you nag or guilt trip, you’re undermining yourself. That said, I know there will be times they won’t do the one thing to get the other. They may pitch a fit about it. In those cases, I simply state, “Honey, I know you understood the rule. I have faith the next time, if you really want ZYX, you’ll do ABC.” Smile. Repeat if necessary in response to screaming, crying and flailing. Keep your voice calm and loving.

This technique really does work. It’s not the right one for every situation, but when you do use it with consistency kids learn quickly and really do pick up on it. Just keep in mind if you’re introducing it to very young kids, or you’ve just started using it, it will take some time. But once the kids get the hang of it, you’ll find this technique to be very valuable.

Today’s Tip: Use when/then phrases to clearly communicate what you need the kids to do before they get to do or have something else in order to foster responsibility, accountability and compliance.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Positive Discipline When/Then Technique. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

How to Choose A Nanny With Positive Discipline Skill

Heligirl — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 08:08:26 +0000

Today I’m handing of the controls to Nancy Parker, a nanny and writer who wanted to offer some advice on finding a nanny who uses positive discipline. What she offers in just a beginning, but the points she makes are none the less important to keep in mind. Take it away Nancy.

Finding the perfect nanny is a lot like finding your soul mate… there’s just so much involved! Finding your soul mate requires a lot of weeding through the rejects, figuring out compatibility, learning to trust each other, and giving them one of the most precious gifts you can: your heart. Likewise, finding the perfect nanny requires a lot of researching people, finding someone who is going to fit well into your life, learning to trust them, and letting them watch over another one of your most precious gifts: your children. So it’s practically the same thing, right?

But finding a nanny who touts the same beliefs you do is just one step. One of the biggest hurdles to overcome when finding a nanny is finding one who believes in the same positive disciplinary actions as you do. It’s hard to let someone else discipline your kids, and you want to be able to leave them full of confidence that they are in good hands that will help to mold them into individuals with solid characteristics. So how do you determine if you and your nanny are on the same disciplinary page?

On the surface, it’s pretty simple: ask the right questions. There are, of course, the general questions that need to be addressed: why do you want to be a nanny, what’s your prior experience with kids, etc. Then there are the questions to help you feel out if you’re on the same page or not when it comes to keeping kids in line. Such as:

1. How do you approach disciplining kids?

It’s important to know their tactics so that you can immediately determine if they align with yours or not. Ask this question WITHOUT giving your opinion on the matter to pave the way for a truthful answer, not one that is given to satisfy you. It’s also important to find out if they are willing to positively reinforce good behavior and approach discipline in a way that enforces that the behavior is wrong without being negative towards the child or being too severe in their handling of the situation.

2. Are you willing to do _____in terms of discipline?

One of the best ways to enforce disciplinary measures is consistency. You will need to explain your own disciplinary measure to the nanny and ensure that they are willing to follow suit. Your kids will only end up confused and start to doubt your own authority if the disciplinary actions taken change constantly.

3. How did you deal with difficulties in past nanny positions?

Every nanny will run into problems with kids because kids are naturally very open-minded when it comes to trying new things, establishing their independence, etc. Knowing how they’ve approached difficult situations in the past will help you determine if they will fit in well with the type of values you’re trying to instill in your kids.

Once you’ve hired someone you’ll want to have regular meetings to assess the child’s behavior and ensure that you’re still on the same page about everything. Work out a plan that works for the both of you in terms of discipline and have them let you know when your kids are acting up and how they handled it.

While ensuring that you’re on the same page with the main disciplinary actions is important, it’s also important to show your nanny that you respect her and compromise on areas that don’t really matter. You don’t want your child questioning your authority when your nanny leaves, but you also don’t want to come across as a dictator that could scare off potential nannies. Just like finding your soul mate requires the ability to compromise on trivial matters. See? Soul mates/nannies… practically the same thing!

Nancy Parker was a professional nanny and she loves to write about wide range of subjects like health, parenting, child care, and babysitting, find a nanny tips etc. You can reach her nancy.parker015@gmail.com.

Jen here again. Nancy offers a good place to start when looking for a nanny or sitter who shares your discipline strategy. I would add to sit down and share your strategy with your childcare provider and give special attention to anyone who has attended a positive discipline class or is familiar with positive discipline books. Share your resources and techniques so your nanny can help you maintain a level of consistency with your kids. And definitely take Nancy’s advice about regular checkins with your nanny. Just as you rely on feedback from your boss to know you’re doing what is expected and meeting expectations, so does your nanny.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on How to Choose A Nanny With Positive Discipline Skill. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Encouraging Independence Really Pays Off

Heligirl — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 08:27:16 +0000

I’ve talked about encouraging independence and how children are motivated by the desire to please others in my positive discipline articles. I use techniques almost every day that help the kids feel independent, connected and capable.

Now that I’m trying to recover from a seriously sprained hip, I’ve needed to lean on them more than ever and I’m blown away by the response.

The kids know that I’m hurt. They see me on crutches, see me wince in pain, and watch me cry when the pain is too much. They’ve even both started mentioning they have a hurt leg, like Mommy.

In fact, I caught Mr. Man leaning on the couch, sucking in his breath and saying “ouch, ouch, ouch” like I had as I tried to get up from the couch earlier that day.

These little people really do want to be like us. What’s more, they want to be valued and appreciated by us.

I’ve needed to really rely on them this past two weeks and they’ve risen to the challenge. When I tell them, “I really need your help,” they perk up and respond.

I dumped my coffee and was crying in pain trying to clean it up. The kids came running with towels from the bathroom (the only ones they can reach) to help me clean without me asking, and Mr. Man just kept kissing me and asking if it was all better after he did (hey, that’s how I fix his owies).

They’ve brought me things, helped pick things up when I drop them, even help each other do things when I can’t.

This morning as I was slowly trying to get out of bed (morning is the most painful), Sweetness showed up suddenly, readjusted the stool that was by the bed to make it easier for me to get in and out, and handed me my crutches as she gave me this huge loving smile. I didn’t call for her. She just came in to see me, saw me trying to get out of bed, and jumped into action.

When I had to get to the grocery store, I told them before we left that I really needed their help because I hurt. They helped by pushing the cart, helping get things off the shelves I needed, and even keeping fighting to a minimum. I didn’t bribe them with a promise of something if they did what I needed. They did it because I keep gushing over them when they do.

I thanked them so much for their help, gave out lots of hugs and kisses, and despite frustrations and pain, kept my tone light and playful with them.

I share my story here as an example of how when we do treat our kids with respect, giving them ample opportunities to help out around the house to develop their independence as well as showing deep appreciating for them when they do pitch in, they’ll rise to the challenge when you really need them to help.

This injury has really illustrated for me all the theory I’ve been practicing about encouraging independence. When we show our kids we rely on them to help, giving them important opportunities to contribute, they will. And if we show our appreciation, behavior actually improves while the desire to do more increases.

It’s a win-win.

May you experience this yourself without the pain and suffering of being out of commission.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Encouraging Independence Really Pays Off. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Selective Attention, Strategic Ignoring

Heligirl — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 08:03:45 +0000

Being home and exceptionally limited in my mobility at the moment, I’ve noticed an increase in the kids making bids for attention. Some of it is good, such as really stepping in to help bring me things I need or carry something for me.

Some of it is negative bids, acting out to either get back at me or get a rise out of me for attention since I’m limited in my ability to take them places or go from room to room with them.

The later is driving me crazy and I dove into my resources to get some insight into how I can limit this negative behavior, not just during this rough period, but also moving forward.

I found an extremely useful handout from the Child Development and Rehabilitation Center at Oregon Health & Science University titled “Selective Attention, Strategic Ignoring.” In essence, it offers some great insights as well as tips on reinforcing that great behavior (bringing mommy her crutches) and discouraging the negative stuff (screaming “no” from across the room when asked to wash hands because she knows mommy can’t get up and do anything about it).

Below I quote some of the most valuable stuff from the handout. If you’d like to download it yourself, you can find it here. Please note I did edit some of what I included below, most notably leaving out discussion of using praise as I, and positive discipline advocates in general, feel encouragement rather than praise is better in all instances. On a whole, I feel the information is rather valuable and a good addition to the ever growing parenting toolbox so I wanted to share it here.

Selective Attention—Enhancing “Time In”
Wow, I really like that. Do more!

Children are motivated to please their parents and seek positive affirmation. To encourage this parents can increase “Time In” when their children are being good.

• Catch your child being good. Look for any instance of positive, prosocial behavior that you would like to see your child continue. When your child behaves this way, make sure you acknowledge it somehow (e.g., encouragement, verbally acknowledging the good behavior, saying thank you, etc.).

• Use physical “time in,” including hugs, kisses, pats on the back, tussles of the hair, sitting close to your child, and so on. Fill that love cup.

• Look for positive behavior that is opposite of misbehavior (e.g., picking up toys when told vs. noncompliance) and focus on the positive behavior.

Strategic Ignoring
That’s not nice! I’m outta here!

Many common misbehaviors are bothersome, but are not likely to cause any harm to the your child, you or others around. Things that fall into this category are often called “Annoying/Obnoxious” misbehaviors. Examples include whining, pouting, crying, tantruming, and so on.

These occur for a variety of reasons, including being upset about a limit set or an expectation put forth or being denied something or some activity that they want. Parents are often tempted to verbally reprimand, scold, reason, or otherwise talk/react to their children when they display Annoying/Obnoxious behavior. However, this might accidentally be rewarding/motivating to the child because some attention is better than no attention in their world.

Instead, try Strategic Ignoring. To use this strategy you first need to identify behaviors that might be motivated to get reactions from you (e.g., whining, pouting, swearing, cursing, tantruming without physical acting out). Also recognize behaviors that are not likely to stop if you ignore them. For example, sneaking cookies from the cupboard most likely will not stop if you ignore it because getting the cookies is rewarding.

Putting Strategic Ignoring to work:

Turn your back when your child does the misbehavior.
Avoid arguing with your child about why they need to comply, instead simply restate the instruction.
Do not lecture your child about misbehavior, but instead walk away until it stops.
Set a limit and enforce it without answering your child’s multiple questions about why she or he can’t have that object or do that activity.
Being okay with the uncomfortable consequences for you, such as letting your child scream in the grocery store line because he wants a candy bar without giving it to him or repeatedly scolding him.

When using Strategic Ignoring, it is very important that you look for the first instance of positive, prosocial behavior that your child displays after you started ignoring and respond with positive Selective Attention.

What to Expect When Using Selective Attention and Strategic Ignoring

1) Expect that your child will become increasingly motivated to please you. By increasing “time in” you are teaching your child what you like about their behavior and strengthening the parent-child bond. When children feel closer to their parents, they want to do more to please them.

2) Expect that it is hard to catch your child being good. Many parents see times when their child is playing quietly or generally behaving as an opportunity for some “me time.” Instead, it’s the perfect time to use selective attention strategies.

3) Expect Annoying/Obnoxious behavior to get worse before it gets better. By decreasing or eliminating reactions to these types of behavior, you are making a change in your parenting that will be noticeable to your child. Nobody really likes change, and so we react. Your child will persist with whining, pouting, or tantrums in order to see what it takes to get you to react. Don’t Give In! If you can make it through this test, you will be better off in the long run.

4) If you know you are in a situation that you will be unable to tolerate increasing/escalating Annoying/Obnoxious behavior, then it’s better to give in early rather than wait for your child to escalate. This might seem odd. However, if you try to use Strategic Ignoring and then you give in while your child has escalated his/her annoying/obnoxious behavior, then you’ve taught your child that they just have to persist and escalate to get what they want. The next time you use Strategic Ignoring, things will be even worse. So, if you must give in, give in early.

What do you think? Do you agree with these tips? Have you tried them before or something like them? What would you add?

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Selective Attention, Strategic Ignoring. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Connection Time Reduces Misbehavior

Heligirl — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 08:46:10 +0000

I’ve officially been at my new job four weeks now and the kids have started their new childcare/preschool center. A new routine is starting to set in and with it all the stress of change in the little ones and the resulting misbehavior. Time for some positive discipline.

The kids don’t like being away from me for two and a half days a week, aren’t that thrilled about getting up early and having to be out the door at a certain time, and really don’t want to wait for my attention on the days I’m home. It became apparent pretty quick I needed to dig into my positive discipline bag of tricks before I really lost my temper.

I’ve mentioned in the past about the importance of filling the child’s love cup (as Pam Leo puts it in her book Connection Parenting) or having Mind, Body & Soul time (as Amy McCready of Positive Parenting Solutions describes it). Regardless of the title you use, it is the same thing – giving your child undivided, uninterrupted attention to meet his or her need to feel connected.

When a child feels connected, there isn’t the need to seek attention though misbehavior. Misbehavior is a symptom, so to respond to it, we must address the actual cause – the need to feel connected.

To put this to work I set the alarm for a little earlier in the morning and began going into my daughter’s room and snuggling with her as she woke up. We talked about whatever she wanted as I held her, kissed her and told her I loved her. We do this for about 10 minutes.

I found that she suddenly became much more willing to get up and dressed.

As she dressed, I went in and did the same with my little dude, snuggling with him then getting him up and dressed. They were both then really happy to get down to the business of breakfast.

Sometimes Hubby takes on this task, giving the kids some connection time with him in the morning.

Now that the kids go with me to my new job where they have childcare, I spend the 40 minute drive pointing things out and talking to them, even though I’d really like to zone out and listen to NPR. It takes some effort, but I’ve not had to resort to pulling out the iPods so they can watch movies (something I really want to reserve for just long trips as a treat).

When I pick them up, I take time to connect after daycare, giving them they each get hugs and a few moments to chat down on their level before we load up for the drive home, and we talk all the way home.

The days I don’t have work are harder because it’s during that time I have to do all my freelance work as well as running the house (shopping, paying bills, e-mail, etc.). I found myself failing those days because I was not taking that extra time with the kids to connect before I dove into my work.

I took a page out of the positive discipline books and started forcing myself to step away from the computer and play with the kids, uninterrupted, for at least 15 minutes, but longer if possible, before a stretch of things I had to complete such as a conference call, e-mail to respond to, important proposal to complete, etc.

I found when I took that time their attempts to get my attention (which were often laced with negative behavior) went way down.

So my tip for today is to remember to take time out to connect with the kids. It’s not going to be long before they don’t want to talk to you, play with you, or even be seen with you (I’m so not looking forward to the teen years). However, taking time with them now when they want that attention will build trust, security, and connection you can draw on when those rocky years hit.

Now it’s your turn. What do you do to connect with your kids?

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Connection Time Reduces Misbehavior. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Building Awesome Self Esteem in Kids

Heligirl — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 08:59:47 +0000

I recently read a wonderful blog post on Pigtail Pals’ website about self esteem that really struck a chord with me. The post, titled Waking Up Full of Awesome, talks about how we girls used to wake up full of awesome every day, knowing we were awesome and beautiful regardless of missing baby teeth, mismatched socks or messy hair. We loved our bodies and all they could do. We were full of ideas, dreams and creativity. We could do anything.

Then the author asks what happened. Did someone take it away by telling us we weren’t pretty, popular, beautiful, worthy, etc.? Why the hell did we believe them and let them take that away?

And what can we do to help assure our kids hang on to that sense of awesome no matter what?

This struck a chord with me because that is exactly why I sought out positive discipline – to build self-esteem in kids.

The goal of this parenting technique is developing capable young people with high self esteem. I truly believe high self esteem is in fact embracing your awesome and not letting anyone, or anything such as media and advertising, convince you differently.

I want my kids to feel awesome their whole lives.

Positive discipline is not an overnight thing or one or two actions. It’s an attitude you have to have every day. An outlook, if you will.

You have to see your children as little adults and treat them with the kindness and respect you would treat your best friend. This doesn’t mean become overly lenient. Children need to know where the boundaries are and the rules. But you can enforce the rules and hold the boundaries through kind respect, calm voice and standing firm. Express an undying belief in them every day.

Choose your words wisely. They have the power to help or hurt. Choose to help.

Talk about the bad behavior, not the child when disciplining: (“Hitting hurts people.” vs “You’re a bad boy.”).

Give your child opportunities to solve her own problems: (“When you hit him, it made him cry. What do you think you might be able to do to make him feel better?”).

Talk about what your child can do instead of what he can’t: (“That ball is for rolling inside. You can throw it outside if you like.” vs “No throwing.”).

Comment and encourage your child as she tries new things and avoid criticism (“You played so hard this game and never gave up. That’s very impressive dedication. I saw you running all over and you make a strong shot for the goal. With practice and persistence you’ll make a goal.”).

And, above all, show respect by saying “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome.”

Finally, never forget that you are your child’s role model, even if you’re dealing with a teenager that is currently acting like you’re the uncoolest of the uncool. What better way to boost your own self esteem than to act the part for your kids.

Avoid self depreciating behavior and words, saying you wish you looked like or had someone else’s ANYTHING, or even being self conscious when your kids as you to try something on or pretend play.

Reach deep inside, grab that awesome 5-year-old you, and let the awesome shine. You may even find your own self esteem creeping every higher as you dance with abandon to Lady GaGa while dressed like a Disney princess.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Building Awesome Self Esteem in Kids. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Make a Connection Before Correction

Heligirl — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 08:30:04 +0000

From time to time I get stumped on how to parent in response to some negative behavior I’m seeing in the kids. I’ve found Jane Nelsen’s Positive Discipline Cards to be a great parenting tool. I’ve bought the iPhone app and have found it mighty useful in a pinch. The app is 52 cards of tips and advice to put positive discipline to use every day.

One card I really love, both for how it works and how it makes me feel using it, is the Connection Before Correction card.

This card, a valuable positive discipline tool, encourages you to create closeness and trust instead of distance and hostility by making sure the message of love gets through.

Let’s say your son is begging over and over and over again for you to buy him that hot new toy all his friends have. By telling him “I love you and the answer is no,” you’re offering the connection, but sticking to your guns.

When working with an older child who is having trouble getting along with a sibling, because she wants to have the doll her sister is playing with, now, saying something like “I love you and have faith that we can find a respectful solution for everyone,” again offers that connection, but has the added benefit of encouraging her to work on her own solutions to the problem.

The basic premise is before you jump into correcting the behavior, take a beat to connect with your child. It might feel a little odd at first, trying calmly to say, “I love you, honey. Remember to play gently with little brother or you can’t play together. Hitting hurts.” But in the end, your little one will hear she’s loved and that added connection just may be what she needed to feel less inclined to knock baby brother into next Tuesday.

What do you think about this idea? Have you tried it? What was the response?

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Make a Connection Before Correction. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy

Positive Discipline Book Will Save Your Voice

Heligirl — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 08:41:33 +0000

If you’ve been reading for a while, you know I’m a big fan of Amy McCready. A positive discipline advocate, she studied the Adlerian psychology behind this incredibly empowering parenting technique, then found a way to share it with the world through Positive Parenting Solutions.

I found Amy and was so impressed with her instruction and all the valuable information I received from her course I’ve offered free sessions here on Heligirl.

However, I’m really excited to announce there is another way to gleam the incredible information Amy shares. Amy just published a new book.

Titled “If I have to Tell You One More Time…: The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling,” the book offers a great deal of the valuable information Amy shares in her multimedia Positive Parenting Solutions course.

Amy starts off her book pointing out why the old techniques such as time outs and counting 1-2-3 don’t work (in fact, they can make things worse for you and your child down the road), then dives into basic Adlerian theory, helping us understand how when our children misbehave there is something deeper going on we can address to solve the entire problem.

Then she introduces her toolbox, skills she recommends parents use and practice to help them work with their children.

What I really love about this book is it offers readers clear insight about child behavior in a way that is easy to understand, and even recognize already in our daily interactions with our own kids. And then it offers real tips and tools parents can put to work immediately.

Amy offers examples and scenarios as well as tips on when to use certain tools and when to steer clear. In some cases, she even breaks down how to use a tool based on the age and even birth order of the child.

While I’m a super huge fan of the course because I love the video pieces, questionnaires and printouts I can keep handy, this book is an excellent introduction that will leave readers finding themselves yelling less and building more respect with their kids.

My tip today is to check this book out. It’s on sale right now on Amazon for $15.97, or if you have a Kindle, $11.99.

While I did receive a copy of this book to review, I was not paid to write a review nor was I asked to only write a positive review. The opinions and thoughts expressed here are my own, and are honest. The links to purchase the books do offer a percentage to Heligirl, so thanks for clicking to check it out.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy! I would love to hear your comments and feedback on Positive Discipline Book Will Save Your Voice. If you have a blog yourself, I'd love to check it out and possibly even link to it here!
Thanks for reading! Heligirl: Positive Discipline Mommy