I’ve reached out to an old friend who means a great deal to me but who I’ve not spoken to in quite a long time. In remembering him and how we drifted apart, I got to waxing rather poetic. Amazing what we learn about ourselves and those we love when we take the time to just free write uninterrupted…

Image: Tina Phillips

What do you see when you look at me from so many experiences and years away? What do you think when you hear from me, through your distant memory overlay? Am I welcome friend associated with positive memories, or am I much less, and thus deserving of an imagined boundary?

I know deep down that it shouldn’t matter at all what you think and see when it comes to me, but despite my deepest knowledge that the only opinion of real consequence is my own, I find myself wound tight with worry over whether you really see me, really know and appreciate my heart. Perhaps that is why our paths are drawing close again. You have a lesson to teach me. Or, is it that we have lessons for each other?

My heart is passionate, driven, often deeply focused and, despite so many won battles, still so very unsure of my potential. My insecurity runs deep, deeper than I may ever be able to dive to release in this life. I put far too much stock in the opinions of others, and wounds run just as deep when disapproval comes down from those I hold most high.

Yet, are we so dissimilar? When it comes to predispositions for success in our American society, we were both dealt less than optimal hands, me with my limiting body and you with your heritage paired with this country’s terrible history with your people. Yet, we both independently refused to accept defeat – finding our passions, chasing them down, and holding on to never let go.

Do you see the similarity, a twin spirit in overcoming adversity, or am I simply an annoyance? I’ve seen how you refer to others drawn to your magnetism. You are often less than complementary. You are quick to dismiss them, question their intentions, even put them down. My fear is real.

Or perhaps, your actions and reactions in fact have nothing to do with me at all.

Stepping outside myself I turn to you with fresh eyes. I see someone raised to mistrust while his blood itched for adventure. Decades of discrimination, labels and ultimately pigeonholing can taint self-perception. Perhaps the real truth is despite your popularity, you still struggle with accepting positive attention and accolades as much as I struggle with letting go of others’ acceptance. Deep down, you are still the removed minority not worthy of the spoils of your hard work. Neither noble or a victim, you struggle with stereotypes, your sense of duty to educate and a painful past colliding at every turn.

We all carry our burdens. How can I expect you to understand me and what’s really in my heart if I don’t extend the same courtesy? Perhaps the answer is that simple. Showing you truly what is in my heart is nothing more than acknowledging what is in yours. Perhaps then we can finally move from this stagnant place, where I allowed your defenses to drive me away to all those years ago, to a true trusting friendship.

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So yesterday we had a big, old snow storm. Lots of snow everywhere. Most everyone stayed home. It was cold, and blowing.

The very beginning of the snow. We got about 4 inches in the end.

Today it turned into an ice storm. I’ve never seen a real ice storm here in Seattle before. It’s rather beautiful if you don’ t have anywhere to go. The icicles are 12 inches long all the way around the house. Great fun to photograph as long as you don’t fall and break your head open on the stairs on the way out the door.

Hubby was home with us yesterday and made it a fun experience, playing in the snow with the kids and keeping us giggling. We were getting a little cabin fever with the kids climbing the walls. They didn’t want to play outside because it was too cold and windy (they’re such pansies about wind). I was grateful for him keeping me laughing.

We’d witnessed a run on toilet paper the day before at Safeway. What is it about a snowstorm and fear of running out of toilet paper? I joked with him that he should go out and get more. That pallet of toilet paper from Costco he got last Sunday wouldn’t be enough to get us through two days. He offered to hold down the fort as I took the trek.

He reached for me dramaticly:

“I will find you. Just stay alive! I WILL find you!!!!” (a-la Last of the Mohicans)

I about peed myself. Thus, toilet paper…

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Chances are you’ve heard all about helicopter parenting. I come across that and cringe just because I’m a mom and a helicopter pilot and sometimes people wonder if my blog is about helicopter parenting. Ugh, quite the contrary.

Helicopter parenting is in essence parents who hover over their children at all times, rarely giving the child the opportunity to learn from mistakes and figure their own way out of problems.

It’s hard to watch our children fail, but when we give them the knowledge and teach them the skills, we have to step back and let them try, and sometimes fail, if they’re going to appreciate their own ability to succeed. Failure is only a step to success. If we never failed, how could be so confident from our successes?

When babies are born, they need us to manage every aspect of their lives. We need to begin to let go as soon as they start doing things on their own. Continuing to do things for them, or control how they’re done, only stunts a child’s sense of independence and belief that they can do things themselves.

As we begin to let go, take baby steps. Just like when helping a toddler take his first steps we let go of their hands for a few precious steps to show them they can do it, we must also do the very same in all aspects of their lives in time.

Make time to teach your child what she needs to know before letting go. When we give them the knowledge and skill they need, they’re much more likely to manage doing something on their own sooner and with more confidence.

Remember to have and show your faith in your child. I tell the kids “That was a very good try. It takes practice. I have faith you’ll get the hang of this really soon. Just keep practicing.”

My mom tip for today: let go of your kids in little steps as soon as you can and you’ll give them the gift of learning through their own successes and failures, which will build strong self-belief.

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They say it’s going to snow here.

Some report it’s already started.

It’s really cold and windy.

But Seattle’s ready with the freeway signs just in case:

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Sweetness showed me something very special this week. If I just encourage her, believe in her and give her opportunities when she shows interest, she’ll prove to herself she can do it. Of course, in theory I knew this would be the case, but actually watching it happen was amazing.

I took Sweetness to see Disney on Ice’s Toy Story last November. She’d just dressed up as Jessie for Halloween and was on one huge Jessie kick. What’s more, she was completely enamored with ice skating. She came home that day running around the house with her arms out, doing spins and announcing she was ice skating. She reminded us time and again she wanted to go to ice skating school.

I’ve never been able to get the hang of ice skating and Hubby can barely stay up on skates. “Ice skating school” was probably the way to go as opposed to either of us trying to take her to a rink and teach her. The next day I looked into skating lessons. The first available class was just after New Year’s. I told her ice skating school starts after Christmas.

Sweetness kept that dream in her heart through the Christmas season, every so often asking when ice skating school starts.

This past Saturday was the big day. She hardly slept the night before and was up at 6 a.m. She picked her clothes (“a sweater because it’s cold on the ice”) and was so excited it was hard to get a snack into her before her 9:55 a.m. lesson.

Sweetness has a history of taking her time warming up to something. Failing can sometimes lead to tantrums. Deep down I was a little concerned that the continual falling and hard work to learn to skate might discourage her. I was careful not to show this, but reminded her it was going to take lots of time and practice and if she stuck with it, she’d do it. She was going to fall down a lot in the beginning, as were all the other kids. That was a part of learning.

However, Sesame Street had just had a section on ice skating school and the “monster” that was learning emphasized you just get back up and keep trying. She repeated that to me and I thought perhaps I’ve nothing to worry about at all.

Sweetness was one of three little 4 and 5 year olds with the teacher, and at 4 and three months, she was the youngest and smallest. She struggled to stay upright for the first 10 minutes of the 30-minute lesson, then she started to get the hang of it. She was getting herself up easily and marching across the ice. Even though the older kids made it across faster, her careful attitude kept her movements slow and deliberate. As a result her falls were less dramatic and she caught herself more and more as the lesson went on.

By 25 minutes into the lesson she was marching across the ice, touching knees and toes as the teacher gave them directions, and getting up easily after deliberate falls (the teacher was focusing on how to get up from falls) and the accidental falls.

As for me, I was openly crying with pride. She was expressing such determination to reach this dream. I was so very proud of her.

When she finished she ran up to me and said “I did it!” I hugged and kissed her, reminding her she put that little dream in her heart and she made it happen. Yes indeed, she did it.

She’s been insisting on watching the videos and photos we took throughout the lesson through the scuffed Plexiglas of the rink ever since.

My mom tip today is to be ever vigilant of those little dreams your kids put into their hearts and find a way to help them learn they can do it, be it climbing up and sliding down the big kid slide, picking up a new sport or instrument, doing something for themselves or learning a new skill.

Remember to be careful with praise versus encouragement. When we encourage them to reach for their dreams, support them through failures (rather than helping by doing some of it for them), and celebrating their successes by pointing out they did it (rather than “I’m so proud of you”) we can’t help but give them tremendous belief in themselves.

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Sweetness: Daddy, what are you doing?

Daddy in a playful tone: I’m cleaning all the hand prints off the TV. How do you think these got here?

Sweetness: I don’t know.

Daddy: Really? You don’t? Do you think it was you?

Sweetness: No.

Daddy: Do you think it was your brother?

Sweetness: No.

Daddy: Well, who do you think it was?

Sweetness: Mommy.

Daddy: Mommy huh? Mommies have been know to rub their cheese-laden fingers all over the TV.

Mommy: I only leave tongue prints.

Daddy: Oh, watching Daniel Craig again I see.

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With the daily routine of being an adult always in the way, sometimes it’s hard to remember the value of being a kid. However, when we take time out of our adult life to knock 20-50 years off our lives, we can get a great new perspective and connect with our kids.

That’s just what we did to ring in 2012.

We’ve been waiting for snow this late fall and winter and so far, nada. The kids are finally getting Christmas and my daughter was fully perplexed on how Christmas could be over and I’d put away the decorations when we haven’t had any snow yet. Rarely do we have a Christmas with snow here in Seattle, but we’ve usually had some white stuff by now.

Daddy shows Sweetness how it's done.

I figured it was high time we put the snow gear to a workout yesterday, the first day of 2012.

We loaded the kids and all their coats, snow pants, hats, gloves, boots and other various paraphernalia (including a plastic toboggan) into the car and headed for the local ski resort. The idea was the kids would have plenty of fun just playing around in the snow around the parking lot. And we were right.

Despite the balmy 54-degree first day of the year in Seattle, it was a nippy 27 degrees at Stevens Pass and much colder if you counted the wind. We lucked out and got a prime spot in the back corner of the parking lot, right next to a gently-sloping pile of snow plowed from the lot. After the initial shock of the cold, the kids became very curious about this red piece of plastic we pulled out of the back of the SUV.

Sweetness goes it alone.

Hubby jumped on the toboggan and demonstrated the appropriate huge grin and “weeeeee” required when mastering a snow hill.

Sweetness was hooked. After a few runs with Daddy, she convinced Mr. Man to make a go for it, which he insisted on doing with Mommy.

In minutes we were all preschoolers giggling and hollering as we took turns on the slope.

The kids lasted about 30 to 45 minutes before they started getting cold (the wind was blowing snow around and that got pretty upsetting for little Mr. Man as snow got in his eyes) and asking to go home. But the length of time really doesn’t matter.

Mommy and Sweetness hit the slope.

It was fun for us all and I giggled harder than I have in a long time. And the kids have been in great moods, getting along and being on their best behavior ever since. They feel connected.

Mommy and Mr. Man give it a whirl.

We definitely need to plan an overnight a trip to a wintery place in the next couple of months so we can do this in short spurts all day, warming warm up in the hotel between outdoor playtimes.

My Mom Tip for this week is to take time to be a kid with your kids, whether you decide to go tobogganing, bike riding, playing at a playground, or just playing an imaginary game of their choice in the backyard. You’ll have a great time and you’ll make a wonderful connection.

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I know, I know, totally overdone post title. But maybe if I go public with them I’ll actually keep with them past say, next Thursday. I think the trick to New Year’s resolutions is to keep the list short and realistic.

With that in mind, here’s my list:

1. Work with Sweetness at least three times a week on her reading and writing. She’s showing interest and I will make time to encourage her, work with her and help her reach her goals on both.
2. Read more to Mr. Man. When it was just Sweetness, I had lots of time to read books to her. Not so much with two running around and neither being into hearing a story at the same time. I’ll make time each night to read to Mr. Man, and not just the board books he is used to. I’ll read more stories.
3. Just say “no” to tall Pumpkin Spice Latte’s with whip. I put on four pounds in December thanks to these. I shall cut down to one a week and make it a skinny, without whip.
4. Keep up with exercises to strengthen my hip. It is still weak from my fall in September and my back hurts, which means I’m not walking right due to the weakness. I shall do my PT or other strengthening exercise (Wii Fit, bike ride, swim) at least three times a week.
5. Make more time for just Hubby and me. We’re too focused on doing things with the kids or saving money. This year, now that I’m employed, we can afford childcare and to get away at least once a quarter for at least a night as well as get out to dinner together at least twice a month.
6. Plan and take a family vacation this summer, with hotels and maybe even airplane tickets. Meaning, visiting relatives doesn’t count.

Well, here’s hoping I can do it. A little bit of everything – investment in the kids, investment in my marriage, investment in my health. Number 6 will take some convincing of Hubby. He’d rather wait until the kids teenagers before traveling thanks to their temperaments, Mr. Man’s need for naps, picky eating, diapers, trouble sleeping away from home, and whatnot. I tried to explain at that age they’ll hate whatever we do because we’re uncool. I’m hoping for a few days in Yellowstone with one of the cabins where the kids will have their own room for naps. Wish me luck.

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What’s a wordless Wednesday on the first Wednesday of November without cute Halloween photos? We had a great time enjoying the local shopping area with 500 of our closest friends. I am actually loving this tradition because it’s daylight, safe, and whole families get in on the action. Lots of fun.

Out of respect for my neighbors, there aren’t many shots of others here, but here are some of my little Toy Story heros.

Preparing to head out. Poor little Mr. Man got a fat lip about 30 minutes earlier when he fell running in the hall. No matter. He didn't seem to notice later, though you do see it in the photos.

Buzz and Jessie hit the mall.

Too cute. You can't see him, but just behind them a kid is dressed as Darth Vader. When Sweetness asked "what's that?," Hubby and I laughed and said "you'll soon know."

On a mission. I put their costumes on over their coats. It works great for Mr. Man as Buzz is a bit bulky. Sweetness however looks as if she needs to lay off the candy.

Examining the plunder.

Diving right in. Joy!

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I had a few family traditions around the holidays growing up, things that made those special times that much more special. When I had kids I knew I wanted to come up with things that were new to all of us that the kids would look forward to, love and remember.

One such thing is the pumpkin patch. I’d always wanted to go to a pumpkin patch as a kid, but we always got our pumpkins at the store. I went to my first one in my 20s and swore I’d make this a tradition when I had kids.

When Sweetness was just a month old I took her to a pumpkin patch just to get her photo with the pumpkins. The next year was the special one where she could start building memories. I searched the Internet for places near home. There are several farms that charge and entrance fee and have lots of events like corn mazes, haunted houses and the like. But I really thought for young ones a simple ride on a tractor-pulled wagon to the patch where we pick our own pumpkin would be great.

I was in luck. I found Jubilee Farms, an organic family farm that didn’t charge a penny for the hay ride to the patch. You only paid for the pumpkins and gourds you cut from the vine yourself. They also had fresh cider, tasty food, farm animals, pony rides and even a trebuchet used for flinging a pumpkin to a very explosive death (much to the glee of tons of kids of all ages who then ran down to pick up the pieces and feed them to the pigs). I took my terribly morning sick self, hubby and 13-month-old Sweetness there in 2008 and it has been the family tradition ever since.

This year was the first year the kids started asking me about it when they saw the Halloween decorations come out. Both of them remembered past trips and talked animatedly about the tractor rides to get pumpkins.

We were a little late this year to the patch. Usually I like to go the second weekend of October, but my sore hip kept me away until last weekend. But much to everyone’s glee, my brother and his new wife decided to join us this year. It was kind of cool to share it with my baby brother. As the kids giggled and tromped around picking the perfect pumpkin, my brother and I would exchange smiles and glimmers of our kid selves.

We had a great time, spent about $12 on two pumpkins, and made memories for a lifetime. I know one day the kids will be too old and will roll their eyes at the prospect of the pumpkin patch, so until then, I’m going to milk this for all it’s worth.

Sweetness has taken to not smiling for pictures lately, but she was having fun, really. Mr. Man, with his new skater boy hat he insisted he had to have even though it was big enough for a tween, was pleased as punch to smile away.

Hanging with Uncle and Daddy, waiting to watch the pumpkin fly to its death.

Choosing a pumpkin. The one his uncle is pointing at was actually the one he took home.

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