Keep Calm and Carry a Crossbow

by Heligirl on October 13, 2013

in Beyond Mommyhood

norman-reedus-daryl-dixon-crossbowTo say it’s been a bit of a dry spell is a colossal understatement. Let me explain.

No, too long. Let me summarize.

This year I went to the UK, published a story and photos in the Los Angeles Times, attended my first Hollywood red carpet premiere and after party, had my house burglarized where I lost all jewelry I’ve ever owned and my electronics (including my computer and back up drive), was suddenly let go from my job due to hearsay that was never investigated (and thus never found false), visited Disneyland the first time as a mom with my babies, lost days of sleep for fearing for the safety of my home and children, saw my baby girl start kindergarten, been stabbed in the back repeatedly, dodged a bullet (metaphorically speaking), discovered the Walking Dead and Sherlock, threw away no less than $1500 on vet bills (after being burglarized and losing my job of course), reconnected with an old friend, saw my muse perform my favorite music live finally after 30 years, become a pro at home security systems, and built up my PR business.

I’d probably have written about it more here, but I was so crazy busy going from one thing to the next, keeping my head above water, that full novels of text remained unwritten in my mind. I also contemplated changing the whole theme of the blog and writing more raw life experience. However, a portion of the new PR work is with Hollywood folk in the public eye and thus I have to keep a low profile – you know, protect the names of the guilty and all that crap.

So to say I’m a different person than when I last posted is an understatement. I’ve been disillusioned, inspired, violated, and hardened. Too many people I looked up to fell from their pedestals to shatter spectacularly into pieces on the stone below. My castle is no longer impenetrable and I sleep with one eye open. I’ve lost faith in fellow man and as a result put a lot of energy into CYA (insurance if you will), creating a paper trail, getting it in writing, and taking photos of people loitering on my street in an effort to protect my home. In short, I could use a hug.

So with that, you’ll start to see a few changes here. I’m keeping all the resource information on positive parenting and will touch on that from time to time. I’m also going to be a little more raw about life and my experience with it. Don’t get me wrong, I still love, still care, still reach out to help, and do what I can for others. I’m just a little more introspective, and noticeably less outgoing. I’m licking my wounds and being a protective mama bear. The naïve woman who had heroes, believed in happily ever after, blindly trusted people and walked around with rose colored glasses might well be gone for good. I’m more of the Daryl Dixon philosophy now – keep calm, carry a crossbow, and look out for the kids.

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Gaining Perspective

by Heligirl on March 13, 2013

in Beyond Mommyhood

artWhat’s really important to you? That sounds like a simple enough question, but give it some real thought. The first thing jumping to mind may not be right. Or is it? Ponder it a bit. There’s no penalty for changing your answer.

A friend recently posed that question to me. At first it seemed simple enough, but the more I thought about it the more complex it became.

My first response was based entirely on what was going on in my life at that moment. I was feeling unappreciated and used like last week’s newspaper at the bottom of the bird cage. My immediate response was “appreciated for my skills, knowledge and results.” A nanosecond later the mommy guilt kicked in and I felt my first response should have been “my family.” Yet, at that particular moment I was exasperated with the kids fighting and was entirely uninspired by the requirement of coming up with yet another dinner menu and cooking.

Perhaps, in the end, my initial answer and resulting guilty response was telling me I needed to take a few steps back.

The static of all the things we deal with every day can easily put what truly is important to us in the back seat. If we get too wrapped around the axle with the daily deluge, we can even forget to put a seat belt on those important things, leaving them exposed to some serious injury.

For me, I am in the process of expanding my career from a part-time, making ends meet while I try to be a mom the rest of the time proposition to a more full-time passion driven career. I’ve recognized just doing work for the sake of making money is nothing short of an energy vampire, leaving me short tempered and emotionally unavailable for my family.

However, building something that sets me on fire each day, putting my skills to the test and making a real impact on people I choose to help, takes time, energy and a great deal of rejection. It’s tearing me up inside, which, as it so happens, leaves me short tempered and emotionally unavailable for my family. Thus, the lack of a seat belt for what’s important.

What’s really important

As I stared at those words in an email, sent from across the Atlantic by a new but fast friend, “what’s really important to you?”, I was forced to stop and really think.

There are days I wish the kids would go play quietly, or possibly visit grandma, while I get work done. I thought about the last time I wanted that and made myself remember my life nine years ago. I was living alone in a very tiny house in a part of the country I detest, working for a thankless and overbearing employer. I was unattached and desperately wanted to be home in Seattle, find a wonderful man and have those two kids I’d been dreaming about.

I have all of that today. Every. Last. Piece. Of. It. Why then does it not come up as what’s important? I think we all suffer from overload. A 24/7 kid schedule is enough to drive any good mom to fantasize about running away forever with an immensely sexy hunk to live in an undisclosed location doing things that make E.L. James blush.  That doesn’t mean family isn’t important. What it might mean is we’re letting the minutia of everyday life have too much weight.

So a potential new client or employer you so desperately want to work with has given you the “talk to the hand” treatment, repeatedly. Maybe folks you really want to network with are looking just too busy or unimpressed to return calls or emails. Perhaps you’re now in a position to re-wallpaper your family room with all the rejection letters.

Look away from the computer screen. What do you see?

I see family photos, drawings my daughter insisted I hang up, my son asking me to push him on the swing, my daughter practicing cutting with scissors, and my dog putting his paw on my leg asking to take a walk.

There is definitely a need for balance in life. We all need things that energize and fulfill us and it’s not realistic to think any one thing will do that. All things, family included, have positive and negative aspects. Yet, in the end, when you step back and take it all in, the most important things stand out.

For me, I’d rather have these wonderful little souls who love me unconditionally than my dream client, who could very well end up being as much work as a 4 year old anyway. Or possibly two.

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Curiosity

February 23, 2013

Why is it that we sometimes put so much stock into acceptance from others? As if the very validation of our existence hangs on the approval of one person or a handful of people? My rational self reminds me the only person whose opinion of me I should ever consider is my own. I should […]

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When Passion Finds You

February 10, 2013

Do you know what it’s like to want something? I mean really want something. So much so that you develop a cop on a high speed chase kind of tunnel vision while you ignore the infernal screams of your rational mind warning of the most certain impending doom of that hairpin turn ahead? That’s a […]

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Is Tomorrow Christmas Yet

December 3, 2012

I made a big mistake recently. I decorated the house and started talking about Christmas the weekend after Thanksgiving. Parents with older kids, I can see you pointing and laughing. Please stop. I may break down and need to be admitted to the psych ward, so thin is the ice I now tread. In my […]

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Princesses On Ice

November 15, 2012

This past weekend I took Sweetness to Disney on Ice: Dare to Dream. What hooked me in me was her current complete and total obsession with everything Rapunzel. She recites the movie based off the instrumental soundtrack for goodness sake. Obsession isn’t a strong enough word. When I saw this Disney event included a Tangled […]

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A Moral Dilemma

November 7, 2012

When hearing of a tragic event in someone’s life, where in they’ve lost a part of themselves, be it a limb, a sense, or an ability, I often turn in on myself and ask that impossible question – if given a choice, and told I had to choose one or lose my life – which […]

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Remembering to be thankful

November 5, 2012

How do you remember to be thankful, when from the moment you’re woken in the morning until exhaustion takes you at night you struggle to be somewhat productive and do right by your family, boss, PTA, neighbors, pets, beliefs, convictions, etc. and so on? When every thought and task is interrupted at least twice and […]

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