by Heligirl on February 25, 2011

in Daily Ramblings

I’m overwhelmed.

I’ve been so out of my comfort zone with my layoff and adjustment to my new “life” that I haven’t had the time or ability to deeply focus on Heligirl, but in my time of deepest need for the advice and support of the great people I’ve met through this blog, you were there.

Earlier this month I wrote about my sense that I’m failing as a stay at home mom. I’d set my expectations way too high and soon sent myself into a complete downward spiral of stress, unmet expectations, self defeat and, ultimately, failure.

The incredible folks who took time to comment or e-mail me helped me adjust my attitude, expectations and outlook. I am so grateful and moved by the wisdom and support offered by these incredible moms from all walks of life, I had to share how they helped me adjust my outlook.

Wenmei from shared a heartfelt confession of her own that she too feels the strain of SAHM life. I think she puts is best when she said, “It’s been years since I’ve been an adult, a friend, a woman, a wife.” I can feel her struggle and her complete honesty certainly speaks to feelings I’m having.

Jessica had the great idea of having the kids help me with my chores I have to do, like fold clothes. I’ve been doing more and more of that and it does create great learning opportunities and connection time with the kids.

Jo from hit the nail on the head with, “There are so many SAHMs (myself included) who feel like this should be the most rewarding job in the world but end up feeling dissatisfied, frustrated and (dare I say it) bored! And what makes this worse is when every mom you come in contact with seems to be so contented and gushing about how great it is. I think if we were all a bit more honest about how we felt, it would take a whole lot of pressure off of moms and maybe we would feel less stressed and down about the whole thing.” Yeah Jo! Say it with me, YEAH JO!

Booyah’s Momma from lent me some serious perspective with her frustration with full time working mom life. Yes, no matter what we do, there is going to be frustration. I see that now.

Kris from hit me on the head with tough love about something having to give. Maybe I can’t have it all. I need to be realistic. Yes, too true. But I want it all, and I want it now Kris!

My dear friend Jaclyn left several comments, sharing her own frustration and how she finds balance. I particularly loved her advice to, “First do the necessary, then the possible, soon you’re doing the impossible.” Meaning, do what has to be done right now (like getting the kids to stop screaming), then do those things I’d like to get done. In time, things get done and stress goes down. I love it.

Sharlene from gave me a reality check with her accounting of what it was like to raise kids in her generation. She had her work cut out for her. This powerful, and mighty talented woman made it work. I have to say, I wish I could be as creative as her on five hours of sleep.

My dear pal Susan from reminded me that there are folks like us who just plain need breaks to keep ourselves grounded, and there is nothing wrong with it. Can you tell I was suffering from guilt? I’m so blessed to have pals reminding me that others feel the same.

Kristin from, a fellow blogger literally just down the street, called me on the carpet. She said I was feeling like a failure as a SAHM because I was trying to be a WAHM and SAHM. That’s a double whammy and I need to cut myself a break. Well, duh, why hadn’t I thought of it that way? That made me feel much better. I needed to shift my expectations.

I can’t thank everyone enough for the heartfelt support and advice. I’ve given this some serious thought and dialed back my expectations of myself. I now plan to take on a little freelance work (which soon will be work under my new company name) and do the work on the two days a week I have childcare. I might not get back into flying as soon as I’d hoped, but helicopters aren’t going anywhere, technically speaking.

Those three days I have with the kids will be spent focusing on them. And they’re only this young once. I need to enjoy it.

I’ll make hubby clean the house on the weekend. Do you think that will work?

In all seriousness, I’m looking forward to seeing how this new balance works out in time. I’ll keep you posted.


Liz F February 25, 2011 at 7:10 am

Just out of curiosity, but do you follow Flylady? Her tips might help keep the chaos down a little. Sounds like things are going a little better for you? 🙂 Stay strong mama 🙂

Twitter: Heligirl
February 25, 2011 at 7:41 am

Thanks Liz. I’d not heard of her. I’ll look her up. 🙂

Jo Chivers February 25, 2011 at 12:32 pm

So glad you have a plan – I always feel better when I have a plan, even if it’s pile all that mess in the spare room and close the door ’til the grandparents visit. And thanks for the shout out x
Jo Chivers recently posted: Gone to the dogs

Susan February 25, 2011 at 7:25 pm

I’m glad you’re doing better with it all. Yes, it’s a big adjustment- well, actually a huge adjustment. And making a compromise is a good solution. Kudos to you. And until ALL of our kids are grown up and out of the house, we all deal with the big balancing act of taking care of them, us, our significant others, our home, etc., no matter where we work.
Susan recently posted: And Then- The Darkness Comes

Booyah's Momma February 26, 2011 at 3:17 pm

OK, first… if you have any luck convincing your hubby to clean the house, please let me know stat. Tips, tricks and advice on which methods of bribery work are seriously welcome.

And second, I’m glad you seem to be feeling better. You just went through a major transition, and it’s natural to feel out of whack a little. I hope this new arrangement helps bring you the balance you are looking for.
Booyah’s Momma recently posted: The Snowpocalypse That Never Was

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