2011, The Year of Letting Go

by Heligirl on December 30, 2011

in Beyond Mommyhood

First off, I apologize for being away so long. I’ve tried to keep my Mom Tip Mondays going, except for a holiday break. They start back up next week. I hope they’ve been helpful.

In Jen’s World, the silence has not been due to anything bad. I’ve been missing from my personal Facebook page too. I just got very busy and needed to focus my very little free time elsewhere to keep up.

I can’t say 2011 was a terrible year for us, but it was certainly a year of transition for me (and as the old saying goes, if mom isn’t happy, no one is happy). Needless to say, everyone in the house had a little transition to endure.

The Point of No Return

I learned last December I was losing my job on Jan. 1, 2011, and basically went into a complete tail spin. I loved working there. I’d planned to climb the ladder and retire from there. I was set.

Then I was cut loose and I had a hell of a time watching a less skilled, manipulative person remain employed (continuing to take credit for others’ work, including mine) while I was looking for employment.

Looking back, I can say with certainty that by far my biggest obstacle was my inability to let go. I couldn’t let go of what I perceived as the injustice of being laid off. I couldn’t let go of the wonderful memories of work there and my friends who’d also been scattered to the four winds.

I also had a heck of a time adjusting to being a full time mom. I’m just not cut out to do it. I needed that time at work to regroup. My patience was at an all-time low as the kids hit a new and insanity inducing phase where they did nothing but fight. Looking back, I’m sure some of the resistance was due to mom’s depression and short temper in addition to the change in routine.

By summer we’d hit a stride and I’d reigned in the self-destructive behavior a bit. I’d taken a course in the spring through my church that helped me refocus. The main message there was to discover and then focus on what it was I really wanted, then put it out there for God to deliver in the perfect way for me when the time was right.

I’d started my own little PR firm and had been doing little jobs here and there to get my name out there. I attended Bloggy Boot Camp and received some great advice I put to work. That next week I had yet another client thanks to that great advice from Tiffany Romero.

I’d also been applying for jobs (3 a week) to maintain my unemployment benefits.

The Call To Action

Then one day I got a call. A technical college I’d actually covered in my beat 3 million years ago when I was a newspaper reporter was looking for a part-time PR person. I’d applied as one of my three a week applications. They called.

On August 31, I started at the school, 20 hours a week. I cried my whole way home from work. They’d advertised a higher rate of pay than what I was offered and their HR person told me I was to take it or leave it. My unemployment benefits were about to expire. I was stuck. And because of my inability to let go, I had a hard time embracing my new position.

Professionalism took over and despite feeling taken advantage of with pay, I gave it 110 percent. But in my mind I never considered it permanent. I didn’t update my Facebook page or my LinkedIn profile with my new job. I kept my ear to the ground.

Then something happened.

The Hero’s Wins

The folks at the school were so happy with me they were open to the idea of me reducing my office days to two and spreading those additional hours over the other three days. They also had a new medical plan for 2012 that saves us more than $200 a month. In all, with one less day of childcare, this was a significant raise.

Suddenly the idea of leaving for another job was no longer attractive.

Something clicked. I changed my Facebook and LinkedIn profiles to list my new job. I started really jumping into my work (they thought I was good before). I’m also no longer looking for a job. At this rate, I’d need to be paid pretty handsomely to make up for the benefits and cost of additional childcare if I changed to a full time position.

So, really, it wasn’t that bad of a year after all. God was providing what I wanted (a job where I could stay involved in my chosen field but still be with my kids) and it just took a while for me to embrace what was handed to me. I had to fully let go.

Happy New Year everyone!


Susan January 1, 2012 at 5:55 pm

What a great way to wind things up. And the way your new job ended up sounds fantastic!! With regards to sibs fighting, do you know the book Siblings without Rivarly [http://www.amazon.com/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-Together/dp/0380799006]? Great stuff. Wish it had been written back when I was a kid (and that my mother had read it).

Happy New Year!
Susan recently posted: What a Difference a Year Makes

Twitter: Heligirl
January 1, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Thanks Susan. Great to hear from you again!! Yes, I have that book and LOVE it. I’ve been reading it a lot lately. Some days the kids just get out of control, I tell you what. The book helps a lot though. Yes, I wish my mom had it too. She resorted to guilt, comparisons and criticism. It’s a wonder my brother and I still like each other. 🙂

Susan January 3, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I think my mom just popped a valium and let us scream and fight all the time.
Susan recently posted: What a Difference a Year Makes

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