How I Feel

by Heligirl on April 18, 2012

in Beyond Mommyhood,Poochies

My dear sweet puppy passed away in his sleep Sunday morning. He must have left just before I got up because he was still warm when I found him. I curled him up in my arms and cried my eyes out.

It’s been three days. My heart is completely broken. I’ve read the rainbow bridge a million times and truly believe we’ll be together again. I even talked with him about it before he left – telling him he will be on my mind as I leave this world because I’ll know we’ll be together again. I know he lives in my heart. I know his spirit watches over me. But right now, I feel like … I can’t even describe it.

Then I remembered this poem.

Yes, this is exactly how I feel. My puppy wasn’t my pet. He was my companion through the most pivotal times of my life. He was my unconditional love source, my joy when there was no other joy, my travel buddy and my confidant. He was my guardian angel.

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message
He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever:
I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

I know it gets better. I’m grateful for our time together, my health, my family, my job, and all the great things in my life. But right now, this is exactly how I feel.


Liz F April 18, 2012 at 1:20 pm


Jaclyn April 18, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I’m so sorry Jen. I felt and feel the same way when my little chihuahua passed after 12 years of being in my life. There are no words, I’m just so sorry.

Susan April 18, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Susan recently posted: When Will She Come Back?

SharleneT April 19, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Hugs. I live in sheer terror of the day when my Angel will pass. It’s because they loved us so completely, without judgment, I think that we give our whole hearts and souls to them. But you’ll be together, again. You have the right to cry. Hugs, again.
SharleneT recently posted: Rotolone with Collard Greens – Solar Baked

Twitter: rachael1013
April 22, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I’m so sorry for your loss. (Hugs)
Rachael recently posted: Week 18: 10% Down

Mary Harris April 26, 2012 at 11:07 am

Always sad when you lose a loved one. Stay strong and God Bless
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