The Chocolate Cake Nightmare

by Heligirl on September 24, 2010

in Daily Ramblings

Joy at The Practical Moms Guide recently posted photos of her daughter’s first birthday party and how she dove into her cake. She shared how she did things differently with child number 2 than she did with child number 1. Then she asked for readers to comment on their own child-eating-cake stories. After writing possibly the longest comment ever, I realized this was too good to not share here.

Disclaimer: Be ye warned that you may never want to eat chocolate cake again (or feed it to your children) after reading this. Be grateful that I wasn’t blogging back then and thus had no desire to photograph the following events for your viewing horror.

Chocolate CakeIt was Saturday, September 20, 2008, the day after my baby girl’s real first birthday. It was the day I’d been planning for the past six months, the big first birthday party. I’d bought decorations, decorated the house, invited lots of friends and family, hand-made little candle holders from baby food jars as party favors, found a cake maker who would make a cake to match the theme (and drove 25 miles round trip to get it), cleaned the house and bought a special first birthday dress for my little Sweetness.

Sweetness stole the show. She was adorable and her eyes got really big after everyone sang and that big piece of chocolate cake was put on her high chair tray. She dove into it with wreckless abandon. Hands, face, hair, high chair and floor were strewn with the cake carnage. She was grinning ear to ear. Nothing was left. Baby took after mama – chocolate addict at first bite.

Unfortunately, I didn’t think this cake feeding thing all the way through.

Not long after the cake attack, everyone headed home. Hubby even left with his parents and extended family who wanted to go to the hell that is Chucky Cheese for Hubby’s niece’s birthday (which was three days later, but they decided to celebrate that night since everyone was together). I elected to stay home with an already slightly over stimulated girl. Our plan was to relax.

Once alone with me, Sweetness started to fuss. She couldn’t possibly be hungry. Maybe she was thirsty. I sat down on the couch with her and prepared to nurse. She wasn’t interested. Then she got a glazed look seconds before she let me have it.

She did what Hubby and I affectionately referred to as Exorcist Baby. She began puking profusely. First on me and the couch, then on the floor as I ran her to the kitchen and its tiled floor. As she sat on the kitchen floor she puked again, then started to cry.

I felt terrible. My poor little birthday girl. I’d made her sick on her chocolate cake. She was covered in chocolate cake puke and miserable. I was a terrible mama.

Then the smell hit me. I’d gotten a positive pregnancy test 15 days earlier (Mr. Man) and morning sickness set in just three days before. I was doing all I could to act normal around the family. Luckily, they weren’t there to see this.

I swooped Sweetness up and ran into the bathroom. I started a bath for her as she puked again on the bathroom floor and put up the toilet seat for me. I swallowed hard several times, but avoided a repeat of her show, thank God.

Breathing through my mouth and gagging all the way I pulled off her clothes and started washing her down. As I rinsed her off, I had a thought that made my heart stop.

The dogs!

I ran out into the living room. No puke. I ran into the kitchen. There the two 5-pound Chihuahuas were happily licking the now clean floor. Chocolate…dogs…lots of chocolate…little dogs. Oh God!

I grabbed the phone and called the emergency vet. The vet tech told me coco powder in chocolate cake wasn’t as toxic as solid chocolate, but they’d best be made to puke ASAP. Give them hydrogen peroxide, 5 ccs should do it.

I ripped open the closet and for the grace of God found I had hydrogen peroxide. Why or how I’ll never know. I also had a syringe from when I gave one of them medicine at one time I can’t even remember.

I dried off Sweetness, who was now crying again because she was cold, and dressed her. Then put her in the safety of her crib before pulling the dogs into the bathroom.

I pulled up the bath mats and started giving them the fluid. For the record, you can get your 5-pound dog to puke his guts out and dry heave for a good 10 minutes with just 4 ccs. Just so you know.

Are you still with me? I now have a couch, living room rug and dining room rug with puke juices in it. I also have a bathroom full of now twice regurgitated chocolate cake.

And I’m pregnant with bad morning sickness and the superhuman pregnant sense of smell.

I locked the dogs into the bathroom, locked myself into my bedroom, opened all the windows and called Hubby.

“Sweetness puked, the dogs ate it (gag, dry heave sound), I had to make the dogs puke and I’m about to follow suit (gag, dry heave, ka-hhhaaaa). Please come home and clean up the puke or I just might die.”

Hubby was more than happy to leave the seventh level of hell (Chucky Cheese) and come home to clean up puke, so it was a win for him.

A week later after the carpet cleaners came was I able to breath through my nose in my house again.

The end.


Booyah's Momma September 24, 2010 at 10:07 am

Thank goodness I don’t like chocolate. Or have a dog. 🙂
Booyah’s Momma recently posted: Of Mice and Men

Twitter: Heligirl
September 24, 2010 at 10:28 am

He, he. Funny thing is, Sweetness is a big chocolate lover now, so no lasting damage. 🙂
Heligirl recently posted: The Chocolate Cake Nightmare

Jenn Erickson/Rook No. 17 September 24, 2010 at 11:45 am

Whoah! Not exactly the kind of “memorable” birthday party you were planning on. I’m glad that all parties involved survived the ordeal. It says a lot about the appeal of Chucky Cheese, that your husband would rather come home and clean vomit — not to take away his kudos for being a good hubby, of course!

Twitter: Heligirl
September 24, 2010 at 7:44 pm

It does say a lot. He actually told me he preferred cleaning up to being there. I don’t think I’m prepared to handle that establishment yet. He’s a good hubby regardless. A good uncle for enduring the place, and a good hubby for coming home and helping me. 🙂 Great to see you Jenn!

Liz September 24, 2010 at 1:00 pm

This is well timed for me–I’m preparing to celebrate my son’s 1-year birthday. Guess that’s a big NO! to chocolate cake (and I do have a dog–and you’re very right, it does NOT take much hydrogen peroxide to make them heave for 10 minutes!)

Twitter: Heligirl
September 24, 2010 at 7:43 pm

I wouldn’t warn you NOT to have chocolate cake. I’d just be a little more sparing. I gave her quite a large piece thinking she’d just have a few bites and smear the rest all over. I didn’t expect her to eat it all, and I paid for it. Financially and metaphorically. But we all survived. That day is now referred to as “puka-palousa.” That would be Hubby’s doing.

Erin September 24, 2010 at 1:29 pm

Oh my gosh, I am SO glad I can’t stop laughing because if I did, I would probably throw up! That is disgustingly memorable, and definitely a story to share with others who have a strong stomach!
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Twitter: Heligirl
September 24, 2010 at 7:40 pm

I’m glad the laughing part won. I can’t imagine causing my lovely readers to puke on themselves. Though, if you do, keep an eye on the dogs, will you? 🙂

Colleen September 24, 2010 at 1:46 pm

OH My that is quite some story. You told it very well because I can’t stop laughing. Not at you, and I guess not with you at the time, but you can find the humor in it now I’m sure.
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Twitter: Heligirl
September 24, 2010 at 7:39 pm

Oh we think it’s hilarious. Now. I’m glad it cracked you up. I had fun writing it. I need to write a good pantie wetter every now and then.

The Mayor! September 24, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Uuuummmmm….there just really are no words….that is horrifying & horrifyingly funny all at once! Partly cause I can so see that sh** happening to me! But I sooo feel for the nightmare it must’ve been at the time, & I just know you will be telling this story to your horrified grandkids some day! Cause chickie, THIS is a family memory for sure LOL! Thnx for playing, sadly, everyone faded away for the summer & poor Mr Linky looked like a lonely little loser down there on his own! BUT I will always come & visit your Friday link when you leave it for me!! :-))

Twitter: Heligirl
September 24, 2010 at 7:39 pm

Thanks for stopping by. Yes, it will be the story we’ll tell forever. We’ll always remember Sweetness’ first birthday. Mr. Man’s, however, was lame and poorly attended. Something like ONE family member came. It was anticlimactic and as such, no one remembers it.

Lost In Mommyland September 25, 2010 at 1:05 am

Ok the puking kid didn’t get me (we have all been there) but when I read about the dogs cleaning it up – that made me gag.

When my kids puke on themselves and me I just put all of us in the shower clothes and all. Seems to be the easiest way to clean up.

Bet it will be a while before there is chocolate cake served in your house again.

BTW, big congrats on the expected bundle of joy!!!!

Twitter: Heligirl
September 25, 2010 at 8:01 am

Thanks and sorry about the gagging. 🙂 I like the group shower idea to get the stuff off! And this story is a little old (2008) so that bundle of joy arrived in May 2009. He only had a couple of bites of chocolate cake for his first birthday. 🙂 Thanks for the congrats though. He’s a great little dude!

Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom) September 25, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Whoa! What a day!!I’m surprised you were able to hold it all in…thank goodness huh?

Vomiting is just the worst thing ever…I can’t imagine having to deal with the same vomit twice!
Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom) recently posted: Give Yourself Time

Twitter: Heligirl
September 27, 2010 at 10:06 am

It was quite an evening, I tell you what. Luckily, I’ve not had one like that since. 🙂

Rebekah C September 25, 2010 at 8:46 pm

OY! What a mess, you must’ve been frantic! That pregnant nose thing is really something, man, and dog vomit is the WORST. Oh ugh ugh ugh.

You poor thing.

Twitter: Heligirl
September 27, 2010 at 10:09 am

That was one super power I was happy to leave behind (the sense of smell). But in all fairness it actually came in handy once too. My dog came to snuggle with me one evening and he has this awful smell. It wasn’t the roll-around-in-something-dead smell, but a sickly smell. I checked under his tail to see if he had a dingleberry and he yipped. I looked closer and he had an impacted gland that was infected. My bionic nose picked up the infection! We ran off to the vet and they were able to express it without cutting into him, though the vet said if I’d waited much longer it would have burst. Poor pooch, but the nose saved me considerable expense of surgery.
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The Flying Chalupa September 26, 2010 at 8:47 pm

This is the BEST puke post I’ve ever read. And oddly enough, there have a been a few. But seriously, you were like superwoman cleaning up your kid, finding the syringe, etc., making the dogs puke, staying strong. Good lord! I started hyperventilating with panic just reading it. Future birthdays will not compare. I promise.

Twitter: Heligirl
September 27, 2010 at 10:11 am

Wow, I’m honored that the great and totally HILARIOUS Flying Chalupa as bestowed that honor on one of my posts. Seriously, girl, I get your posts via e-mail and you crack me up so bad I head straight to you on bad days when I need a giggle. Thanks so much for the most excellent comment. And, yes, no other birthday stands out quite like that one. 🙂

JP September 27, 2010 at 4:06 am

I might have to think about your post when I’m craving chocolate cake…:)JP YUCK!
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Twitter: Heligirl
September 27, 2010 at 10:11 am

He, he. But hey, if I’m still able to eat the stuff (and I was there to see it), you’ll be fine! 🙂

Stacie September 28, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Oh no, lol, I laughed and laughed at this one! I have SO been there. In the past when I’ve had all the little ones sick and puking at once, I too have had the dogs…ummm…clean it up before I could get back to it. It hasn’t been chocolate cake though, so I will tuck your directions for the peroxide away for future use 😀
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Twitter: Heligirl
September 29, 2010 at 2:38 pm

I’m glad to hear my dogs aren’t the only sickos in the canine world. So far I’ve only had one child puking at a time. I can’t imagine both. I don’t have the backup sheets for that one!! 🙂

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