My Baby Made Me Cry

Hubby was gone two days and nights this week, giving me the “opportunity” to single parent. This time I approached it with a new attitude.

One thing that I did differently than I have in the past when alone with the kids for extended periods is I prepared myself for the worst. At my house that means the kids are fighting, not listening, crying or otherwise driving me to finish off a whole bottle of wine the minute they’re in bed.

In preparation for this eventuality, I cleared my schedule, so to speak. I didn’t check e-mail, I didn’t blog or visit blogs, I didn’t do any freelance work and only did housework that could be done in five minutes (load the washer, turn on the dishwasher, etc.) Everything else (fold clothes, empty dishwasher, check e-mail, etc.) was done when the kids were in bed, and the chores were done in order of importance until I couldn’t take it anymore and needed to pass out. Blogging got behind.

The results of this somewhat negative attitude (prepare for the worst) ended up being a strong brush with positive discipline. Which is kind of sad when you think about it because if I was listening to the stuff I write a little more I could have told me it would happen.

The kids were WONDERFUL. You see, I gave them all my attention. Because I wasn’t trying to do other things, I was focused on them, and that is the secret.

We played a lot together, like discovering this new game where I push cars and such under the door to Mr. Man’s room (we have wooden floors) and they’re on the other side laughing so hard I swear they both peed themselves (good thing they’re in diapers still). I kept track of time and because of that remembered to give them lots of 5- and 2-minute warnings before brushing teeth, washing hands, cleaning up, having a meal, going to preschool, etc. We stayed on routine and went with the flow. When someone cried, I was able to respond right away with a kiss or a distraction and it was over as soon as it started.

And then my Sweetness made me cry.

We were playing a game in the living room after dinner and I mentioned we had two minutes to play before clean up and bath time. Then when it was time, I told them to clean up and I got down on the floor in the living room and started cleaning up. Sweetness helped me pick up the game. Then she disappeared. Once I was done picking up I went to find her. She’d gone into Mr. Man’s room and was singing the clean up song softly to herself as she…cleaned.his.room. All books were back on the shelf, cars and other toys in his toy box, and even his sleep toy (an elephant cuddly toy) that had he pulled out of the crib was back in his crib.

When she turned and saw me in the doorway, I lost it. I just started crying and gave her lots of hugs and thank yous for helping me.

“You cleaned baby brother’s room all by yourself. I didn’t even have to ask. That was so nice. Thank you so much.”

She beamed.

Then she cleaned her room, took off her clothes and came into the bathroom for her bath. I only had to ask once. I called Hubby. And cried.

Everything has been such a terrible battle of wills lately. No matter how many 5- and 2-minute warnings or kind but firm statements that it was time to (fill in the blank here), it was always resisted. I looked back and have to admit that I was also very busy, distracted with other things, and usually running late or out of patience. I was the problem.

By slowing down, giving the kids all my attention, and taking the time to connect with them through play, I discovered they’re very capable of doing what I ask when I ask it, as long as they’re feeling connected. I’m telling you, there really is something to this parenting method, and I can suck at it at times. But when I get it right, WOW!

Hubby got home late last night. He was off today and as I was getting ready to leave, I mentioned to him that the kids needed to brush their teeth once Mr. Man was done with breakfast. I kissed Sweetness and reminded her to help Daddy brush Mr. Man’s teeth. Then I left. I realized I forgot something and when I came back in, Sweetness was in the bathroom putting toothpaste on her toothbrush. No one asked her to brush her teeth. She was taking the initiative.

Needless to say, I had to fix my mascara before I could head back out the door.

Tagged as: chores, connection parenting, Positive Discipline